HELP! My professor wants to date me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
HELP! My professor wants to date me!
56
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 8:49pm
I'm a 24-year-old college student. I'm graduating in May, and my 30-year-old professor told me over the weekend that he's had a thing for me for the past two years. He teaches a performing ensemble class that I've been in for a while, and my friends and I have always considered him one of the gang. I've actually always had a goofy little crush on him, but I NEVER thought that feeling would be reciprocated. It was VERY weird to hear him tell me this - he's my professor for god's sake! - but I'm also intrigued. We have both decided it would be a very bad idea to pursue this while I'm still a student; he says he just wants to get to know me better, which is fine (right?). I think it would be interesting to see where this whole thing goes after I graduate. The only drawback is he is recently (a year or so) divorced and has two kids. How am I to tell if he really means it, or is just confused and sexually frustrated? He's a really great guy, but this is all very new and frightening (and WEIRD). He's been my teacher for two years, and we (meaning me and the other people in my ensemble) are very comfortable and casual around him. He's more like our older friend than a teacher, but he has just recently started to confide in and get to know just me away from my group of friends. We actually communicate really well and can talk on the phone for hours. The whole thing is very surreal - this kind of thing only happens in movies! Something this crazy has never, ever happened to me before. And the scary thing is, I'm very attracted to him - I've just been ignoring it. Is this all wrong?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 2:59pm
Cat -

I've checked everywhere. The university has its employee handbook online on its website. I can't find anything about relationships with students. I asked him and he never got a handbook when he was hired in or anything. So I don't know what the policy is, or even if there is any, but that for sure isn't an excuse for us to throw caution to the wind. Thanks for the suggesstion!

-Goose

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:02pm
Dearest Skippy -

Thank you!

-Goose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:08pm
NO! Why jeopordize your studies? Tell Mr Educated and Hot to Trot to get his "intellectual stimulation" elsewhere!! You deserve better!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:18pm
BS -

I did read your post (I've read all of them!) and I thank you so much for your input. Things so far have been really great - I've really never felt like this about anyone before. I think this relationship has really great potential, and I can't wait to see what happens. Good luck to you with your professor. It sounds like you guys are doing great and I'm happy for you. Let me know how things are going - it would be nice to have someone else to relate to!



-Goose
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:27pm
Dottied -

Educated he is, but "hot to trot" aren't exactly the words I would use. He has been very respectful of me and of my personal boundaries. And as far as me deserving better, I think better is exactly what I've got right now. But thanks anyway for your input. :)

-Goose

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 2:35am
Hi I have never been in your situation. But I know for myself that, even if I had been attracted to one of my proff's. I would never act at on it even if the feelings were mutual. Because like someone else has already mentioned, a proff is suppose to be someone you can except to be an impartial party and one that is there to help you learn. You should not have to worry about what grade you are going to receive in the course if your proff does not like the anwser your give him. And for the fact that you talk to your proff on the phone. I would not do that if I were you, because how do you know if your proff is grading you on your work on your relationship together. And look at it this way if you two were together what if he gave you a bad grade you would take it personally and probably end up getting mad at him. Have you ever thought about what your classmates would say and think if you were to do that. And the fact that he just got divorced and he is hitting on one of his students just goes to show that he is just lonely and looking for someone to fill that void. Because no one can just get out of a relationship and be perfectly fine. It takes time to heal and he is just not use to be alone. Sure he may find you attractive, but he is being selfish and not thinking about what this would do to you if you were to get involved with him. Do you really want to become a stepmom at such a young age. Or do you want to be a mom to your own children. I would strongly advise you to tell your proff that it is not appropriate for him to be coming on to you and for you two to be behaving in this way. There is a reason why this is frowned upon in collegies and universities. And if after you graduate and you both still feel like you want to be together and you have thought about it long and hard, then maybe you can see if it will work out. But I do not think it is appropriate or ethical to be dating someone who is grading you. Proff's are suppose to be there to facilitate your learning and help you with your academic pursuits not to create a stressful situation for yourself and whom ever loves you.

Sorry if this was hurtful in any way just trying to give you some constructive advice.

Good Luck and I hope you make the decision that works best for you, not the one that works the best for your proff.

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