help! need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
help! need advice
3
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 6:23pm
Hi everyone,

So I have been dating this guy for almost 2 months. In the beginning I was not sure how he felt. But one night he told me that he couldn't just have fun anymore, that he thought about me too much for it to be just a fun fling type thing. Surprisingly, this made me happy, because for the first time I felt the same way. But I didn't really know what that established. So a week ago I asked him about the significance of this conversation, and more specifically whether or not it meant that he was my boyfriend and i was his girlfriend. And he said not necessarily, but he has no intention of seeing someone else and has no desire to. And, I still don't know if I was happy or sad about this. I am not one to like the whole committment thing, so the actual word "girlfriend" freaks me out a little, which he knows.

But, then this past weekend he told me that he loves me. He has hinted to it before. And told me when he had been drinking a lot. But this time he was definitely not drunk. The first couple of times I didn't repeat it back, but then I did. So tell me, how can it be that he "loves" me, if he doesn't even consider me as his gfriend? And I asked him how many girls he has loved, and it was only one other person: his long time gfriend from 6 years ago. What should I do? Just pretend like everything is fine? I just really don't understand how he can love me but not want me to be called his girlfriend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 7:26pm
red flag alerts...he drinks a lot, neither one of you is comfortable with the titles girlfriend/boyfriend...move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 3:55pm
No he doesn't drink a lot at all. I think that we are just more comfortable talking about these kinda things after a few drinks. We talk without drinks as well. And just because drinks are involved doesn't mean I should totally move on. I really like this guy. I just want to know if I should take his after a few drinks' confessions as truth, or not. And also, how do I know if I love him back? Are there signs? I think I do love him, but I have never felt this way, so how do i know for sure? And is it too soon to love someone after less than two months?

thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 5:58pm
I think that a person can fall in love/lust really quickly, but that it takes longer to be in love...you have to really know the person and that takes time.