Help needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Help needed
4
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 5:16pm
Hi, I posted here few days ago, I think I am really scared or confused I don't know. Well I have been dating this man for 4 months and I am not sure what is going on with him I don't know if I am pushing him to much. About three weeks ago I asked him, it is time to meet each others friends and he said he's loner, he had good friends but he lost them because of his X-wife didn't like them. But he have one activity friend if you like to meet him we could go togther, I agree to that. He is usually loner I know that, and he goes once a week dancing Salsa, and when first met I told him I used to dance salsa and I am interested going together some day and we did. But my main concersn is He goes alone with out me everyweek and he dances with other woman and I told him I am not comfortable about it. He said oh it is just dancing it is like sport. I don't know what to do it is really bothering me. What should I say to him.

If you date exclusivily he should see me more than once a week, right?

Also he should have called everyday right?

How could I ask him again to meet his friends?

Thank you for your help.

Rube

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: carina1368
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 6:35pm
There are no "rules" as to how many times you should be seeing each other per week and how often you should talk on the phone. I personally don't expect a man I'm dating exclusively to call me every day...every couple of days is fine by me.

On the salsa dancing, I'd be a little uncomfortable with that...not so much because he's dancing with other women, but if you're both interested, why isn't he going with YOU? That doesn't make sense.

Did he ever take down his profile that was still up? If not, have you talked to him about it? I think that there is something "off" here and that he is telling you one thing (that the two of you are exclusive) but doing another.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
In reply to: carina1368
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 7:52pm
Hi Sheri, I talked to him about the dancing and he said I need to learn more before I go to this dancing clubs (he is going to teach me)he started to teach me about two months ago but he goes by himself alone every once a week. And he said, he goes to swing club once a week(he never told me before he just told me yesterday after I pushed his buttons I don't know if it is true) and I said I would like to learn and go with you and he agree.

About the profile he never took down and I never asked about it, because I am still suspicious about him that is the only way I could find out. May be I am wrong but he left me wondering here instead be honest with me.(What do you think about this Sheri?) Am I going crazy?

I am very confused he seems very good man, he takes me out to town 1-2 times a week, to expencive Restuants(which is I am not crazy about his money and get more suspicious)He is teaching me Rock climbing,dancing.........my birthday is coming he asked me what I want, he took me shopping to get some idea.....and he is going to meet my two best friends on b-day dinner.

Well why I am confused is .......I haven't met his friends yet. I did ask to meet the friends and he have no friends, he's loner I have no doubt about that, I suppost meet one of his Rock climbing friends three weeks ago. On Wednesdays they go Rock climbing, and he asked me if I want to go and meet his friend and I agree but that day he called and said his friend cancelled it. I was ok with that 2nd wed..passed 3rd wednesday was yesterday, we arrenged the time and he said my friend will be there waiting for us and when we got there didn't show up was there we finished climbing, and I ask what happen to his friend and he said well(he doesn't know).

What I feel he is not tell me the truth, ( what do think about this, is he telling the truth?)

Or he is not ready for it?How could I ask him what is going on and what is the right way to ask?

And is it ok to meet my friends before I meet his?

What is your advice Sheri?

Thank you

Rube

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: carina1368
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 8:04pm
I don't see anything wrong with someone having time on their own to do what they like, even if it's something you enjoy too.

As for not believing what he's saying... should you really be in a relationship with someone you don't trust? If you question him too much, it will show him that you don't trust him. Are you prepared to deal with the consequences of that?

Why are you suspicious about his money? Why do you think he's lying when he says he doesn't have too many friends?

If I were you, I'd take some time out and think about these things... if your gut tells you he's not on the up and up, then it's time to move on. But first be sure that it's your gut and not your own insecurities...

Hope this helps.

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: carina1368
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 8:24pm
I'm not sure why you're making such a big deal about meeting his friends or him meeting yours? He basically doesn't HAVE any, he's told you this (which is a red flag in and of itself to my mind, but that's another topic). So who cares whether he meets yours first or you meet his rock climbing partner first? It's a non-issue, so far as I can see. Can you explain more why you think it's such a big deal?

Now to me, him having an ad up when you've expressly agreed to date exclusively IS a big deal! And I think the only way to deal with it is to say, "We've agreed to date exclusively, yet you still have your ad up. Please explain why" and see what he says. Of course, he could take THAT one done, and put another one up on another site (or several other sites) and you'd never know. He just doesn't strike me as trustworthy from what you've written about him (not just in this thread). How do you learn to trust someone who gives you reasons not to? I honestly have no idea.

Sheri