Help needed from all desperately!!!
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Help needed from all desperately!!!
| Fri, 09-16-2005 - 12:08pm |
hello, i'm back with another problem. my b/f whom i've been dating for a year always turns me down when i'm in the mood. he only wants sex when he is in the mood. i know he is one who can be adventerous in the bedroom, and he is a passionate lover. i am unsure if the reply to his question has anything to do with this, i have asked him and he says it doesn't. i don't know if you recall, but he asked me the first time we had sex who was bigger he or my ex. i thinking it was just going to be a one nighter said my ex. i know that was stupid and i should have spared his feeling's. but each time we have sex i praise him in every aspect, i have told him he is the best i've had (which is true) and always give him compliments. i have a very high sex drive so i'd like to have sex with him
at least 4 times a week. i have worn sexy lingerie many times trying to get him in the mood but he just says he is tired, or just wants to relax. he does watch porno movies and takes care of himself most of the time, and he even does that in the shower. i have even found out he has been on those sex sites before, and he had put in "fictious info." in there. being turned down by my b/f, who says he loves me, makes me feel ugly and it's embarrassing! i'm lucky if we have sex 3 times a month. any tips to really, really get him in the mood? some have even questioned his sexuality, if he is gay or bi, but he has constantly said that he would never do that. i'm at a loss here, any suggestions or advice?
at least 4 times a week. i have worn sexy lingerie many times trying to get him in the mood but he just says he is tired, or just wants to relax. he does watch porno movies and takes care of himself most of the time, and he even does that in the shower. i have even found out he has been on those sex sites before, and he had put in "fictious info." in there. being turned down by my b/f, who says he loves me, makes me feel ugly and it's embarrassing! i'm lucky if we have sex 3 times a month. any tips to really, really get him in the mood? some have even questioned his sexuality, if he is gay or bi, but he has constantly said that he would never do that. i'm at a loss here, any suggestions or advice?

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Do you think the low sex drive(as compared to yours) has a psychological reason behind it or just the way he has always been? perhaps u should ask him if he has always been this way. is he otherwise normally loving and romantic and affectionate with you in ur daily life? If he is holding back on his love and affection and caring and concern and romance in ur daily life, then he is not being fully available to you. And that will show in your sex life too.
Additionally, I think if this is just the way you both are (some have a high drive, and some low) you both would need to come to a happy medium, and not pressure each other. If it is something you can't deal with, then you have to decide whether you can live with this.
I think it's time for a serious conversation with him. Many people will downplay the importance of sex in a relationship, but I'm proof of what happens when things are lacking in the bedroom. My ex-husband and I had this issue. People told me that sex wasn't that important, that it's more important what you share as people. But I'll tell ya, sex can make or break a relationship. If you're having problems now, things usually won't get better on their own.
I'm not saying to break up with him, but you definitely need to talk to him and let him know how it's bothering you. If he's pleasuring himself as much as you say, then there's some other issues going on aside from a low sex drive. Most men I know would be jumping for joy if their wives/girlfriends wanted sex
reading ur last post had bells ringing in my head....telling you to LEAVE, to GET OUT without hurting yourself anymore! u don't deserve this!
he asks every girl he has been with how endowed the ex was as compaed to him? wow.
this man is highly, highly insecure.
he is suspicious and controlling, he bullies you, he plays games with you, he is threatening you, he is pulling your self-esteem down, he is making you explain things again and again. this is not normal! i think he is acting aggressively..what with the hand going up, and then he is now coming down to verbal aggression as well..telling you what he wants to do to you.
why are you bearing all this? whyyyyy???
what are you getting from him?
please have some self-respect, and LEAVE him.
as long as he sees you beside him, he will NOT learn to value what you are and how much you have been trying to make things normal and loving. he is taking you for granted.
i see no reason why you should be suffering there, trying to please him, answering his questions, and doing things for him, when he is not showing any respect and love for you.
write a letter to him on paper. tell him how much you had hoped things would be fine. tell him how much you have tried. tell him you can't take the treatment he is meting out to you. tell him his behavior and attitude is making you feel unsafe and threatened. tell him you do not deserve this. add whatever else you want to add. and leave.
this will be a bold step, but you have to do it. you have to BE STRONG and know what you deserve, and what makes a healthy relationship. you have to know when enough is enough.
leave him wondering. leave him thinking when you are gone.
and if he doesn't care anyway, he was never yours to begin with!!
i would not advise you to look back on this guy, whatever the outcome.
he seems like a person who will remain quite stuck in his mode.
put your emotions aside, and think objectively and practically now.
what would you advise a girl going through the same thing?
this is not worth it. he is not worth it.
don't put up with this another day.
make arrangements for getting out. however daunting that task seems. but you need it. you need to move on.
Oh, my gosh!!! He has serious issues, for sure. Time to end it while you still can.
Sheri
I'm with the other posters. This does not sound good. And let's just say that these actions, each taken by themself were ok. It's still not ok because it's bothering you. Do you see what I mean?
I think it's time to start listening to your inner voice. Relationships/dynamics don't usually change unless the partner makes a concerted effort or he/she gets helps. It does not sound like your boyfriend thinks he has a problem, so it's doubtful this will change on it's own.
Personally, there's too many red flags and if I was in the situation, I wouldn't stay. What is your gut telling you to do?
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