Help please

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Help please
5
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 11:24am
I have been dating my b/f for about a year, and we live together. Before we began dating we were friend's w/benefits. The first time we had sex he asked me who was more endowed, him or my ex boyfriend (whom he knows). Because I thought it was going to be just a one night stand, and not go anywhere I told him the truth (which was not in his favor). He was hurt by that, but I never meant to hurt him.......I wasn't thinking. But, I did tell him how much better and passionate he was than my ex. Even though I told him that he was still very hurt by my original answer. I do everything I can to this day to always let him know how good he makes me feel in that way, because he is still hurt by my reply. We someone survived that episode and began a relationship and we love each other very much. Although we live together we sleep in seperate bedrooms. I have asked him why we do not sleep in the same bed/share a room and he doesn't have an answer, he just avoids the question. About a month ago he told me that sometimes he thinks he isn't being there for me emotionally 100%, like he should be and he doesn't know why. I asked him if that feeling he had has something to do with us not sleeping in the same bed, he said it may be. Still today I think he feels the same way, and I know he was hurt real bad by his last girlfriend before me. What does he really mean when he is saying that he feels he isn't being there for me 100% emotionally (if there is something else he is saying)? Why would he feel that way? Any reason you can think of him not wanting to sleep in the same bed? I don't know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
In reply to: shooter7
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 2:13pm

hi,

have you guys been sleeping apart for the entire year?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
In reply to: shooter7
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 3:10pm
yes, ever since we began the relationship we've been sleeping in seperate bedrooms.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: shooter7
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 3:22pm
Lucky you! You won't get woken up by his snoring:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
In reply to: shooter7
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 4:42pm

well have you talked to him about your relationship? it quite possibly could be that he just veiws you guys w/friends w/benes. if this is the case and its not what you want i suggest that you either stop sleeping w/him, move out or find yourself a new roommate.

good luck and best of wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: shooter7
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 9:20pm

Hi


There is definitely a lot of caring here as well as a lot of issues. I think the two of you need help learning to communicate on a deep, vulnerable level. Perhaps you could do a few sessions with a counselor.


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