HELP PLEASE

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
HELP PLEASE
2
Fri, 12-17-2004 - 5:37pm
I have been talking to this guy for over 1 month we have hung out like 3 times we both don't call each other and we don't ask he other out - last week when I saw him i joked around about and he was like yeah just give me a call - I know where not living in the stone age but, I feel it should be the guys place to ask a girl out - its like we are both waiting (FEAR of REJECTION) WHAT DO I DO????
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thebeach2004
Fri, 12-17-2004 - 5:50pm

Hon..YOU are sitting there in "fear of rejection"...but he's not, I assure you.

He knows perfectly well that you'd go out with him. i'm sure every conversation has been saturated with nuances to that effect.

The reality is - he has no interest in dating officially. He wouldn't mind hanging out...as obviously you two do that. And he might not mind hooking up......and I'm sure that most of your interaction is flirtatious in nature and based in attraction and that is what is at some point bound to happen.

But what he doesn't want is to date...he doesn't wnat obligation and expectation of him regarding phone calls, and requirements, etc. etc.

He wants to have someone to spend time with and share interests and ideas and events and conversations and maybe sex with......per his needs, on his schedule, to suit his agenda. And he can't do that in "dating"...but he can in hanging out and hooking up.

So every time that you two hang out...and there is the flirtation and the innuendo and the rising level of tension...you two are getting closer and closer to that conversation that goes "I was thinking....." "me, too, yeah"....and you end up in each other's arms and in bed......and there was no conversation about intentions or desires or interests or goals for this other than "to bed".......because he has none.........and if he says that outright what are you going to do - you're not going to "hang out and flirt and potentially be a hook up".

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
In reply to: thebeach2004
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 3:50am

Cheers thebeach,
Bellina sends holiday greetings! All I can say is saying that you've gone out several
times withine a month and little calls,it seems very casual.Unless both of you're feeling attracted not just physically but more intellectually,wanting to become friends first,these are all things one should try to discuss,delicately.Perhaps ask him if he'll meet you for lunch,inlieu of evenings and get more acquainted chatting casually of your interests,hobbies,goals,careers,etc..You'll know if you're connecting not just in physical attractions also personality wise.Hopefully you'll get a better feel if your both on the same page for either being good friends or a future love potential.Best wishes,Bellina