Help Please - He Seems Distant
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| Thu, 12-14-2006 - 2:18pm |
Hi everyone,
I’m hoping you can all help me… I’ve been posting here for the last couple of weeks about a guy I met over Thanksgiving who lives in Washington DC and I live in NY. My last post was the whole “splitting the bill” thing. Anyway, I just wanted to run this past all of you to get your takes on it because I know for a fact that I myself tend to be a very anxious person who has a tendency to push sometimes, and I know that’s a bad quality and I am trying to control it and change that so as not to ruin this or future possible relationships.
Anyway, I know its going to sound a little crazy, but here goes. Like I said, we met on Thanksgiving night. As someone else asked me, no we did not immediately sleep together (this guy was very shy and it took him till the 2nd date to even kiss me goodnight and even then, that’s all we did). It was nice. The last time he was here (last weekend) he mentioned that “sex is over-rated” and you can get it anytime anywhere basically, but being able to talk to someone the way we talk and feel around each other is different and worth more than that. I thought that was nice. He’s also been here to visit me every weekend since Thanksgiving. He was calling me almost every night and texting me and emailing me. Then, (and here’s the part where I ask you all not to call me crazy) – or maybe you should if you think I am being crazy about this, I felt as though the contact was starting to lessen a little bit. I thought maybe I’d said or done something because he didn’t call the night before like he said he would. I then got a text saying “good morning, no I’m not mad at you, worked late and came home and went to sleep. Hope you have a great day at work” and a phone call that night. He said he’s not ignoring me, he’s just been very busy at work. He sounded stressed. He goes “I never said this to anyone before, but I feel like running from my job, I feel like maybe I’m not good enough or smart enough and I feel very overwhelmed” – now its not like he’s new in his field, he’s been doing work for the government as his career all his working career, they just gave him new responsibilities. He said he even talked to his mother about it. Oh, he’d also texted me that day that he still is going to try to come visit this coming weekend because he wants to see me before xmas (as well as xmas). But here’s my problem. That conversation Tuesday night was the last one we had and its bugging me. He said he’d call me yesterday and he didn’t. I messaged him a couple of times and he didn’t respond. Its now 2pm and I still haven’t heard from him. I left him a VM saying please call me I’m just concerned and want to know how he’s doing and still, nothing. His myspace says the last time he was on was yesterday, which means he hasn’t been online. I don’t know. I’m just worried that it seems like he’s avoiding me or all of a sudden doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. It isn’t like him. I don’t know what to do. I feel like trying to call him again but I haven’t and I know I shouldn’t because its only going to make me look overbearing and clingy and annoying and I don’t want that. What should I do?? Its actually making me feel physically uncomfortable as well as upset emotionally. Am I just being unreasonable?? Because the rational me says “its only been 2 days, he hasn’t given you the impression that you’ve done anything wrong, especially based on our last phone convo, and he HAS told you that he’s feeling really overwhelmed and stressed, so just back away”.

Trust your gut on this one. You may just want to continue to let him come to you (ie calling, texting etc.) That way you know you are not pushing. Only time will tell if he is distancing because of stress or loss of interest. You sound as though you really like this guy, but this is very new and I caution you about giving too much meaning and significance to someone whom you barely know. Take a deep breath and a couple of steps back and just observe his actions, which will speak much louder than his words. I know how you are feeling and I have been in your shoes so many times! I wish you so much luck!
hugs,
YG
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/