HELP PLEEEAAASE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
HELP PLEEEAAASE!
7
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 6:38pm
-I met a man from out of town (another state, really) at a work conference
-I go out to dinner with him & his work friends that night
-We call each off & on other for a week, then we decide that I should fly out and visit him for labor day wknd (2 weeks away from that point)
-Once we decided that I was going to visit for sure we would email back & forth all day long and he would call me after work to chat again
-I get to his state for the wknd and he picks me up at the airport and takes me straight from there to the restaurant/bar where his friends are all waiting to meet me
-Get along with his friends great, and after we leave they all email his blackberry saying what a great catch I am (I know because he keeps showing me every time someone emails about me)
-On the way home he says he has a “confession” to make, we were going to be staying at his house when we initially planned the trip but he is in the process of building a new house and put his current one on the rental market, which got snatched up in 2 days (he thought it would take longer to find renters) so he’s been staying at his friend’s house (he didn’t tell me earlier because he was “afraid” and “it’s a 5 bedroom house so it will be “like we’re alone”
-The other days are great, no awkward pauses in the conversation, got along great (yes, in the bedroom too!)
-Now fast forward to my last day there, where he insists on cooking for me (thought that was so cute!)
-As we were driving to the airport for my departure I asked him what his plans were for later that evening and he said “nothing, just watching football” and when I got out of the car after hugging and kissing a bunch of times he said “now hurry up and get on the plane before I cry”
-As I was sitting on the plane I text messaged him to thank him for a great time and turned the phone off, and when we landed I turned it back on as soon as I could, anxiously awaiting his reply text message that would surely be there, right? Nothing.
-I let all night go by, not freaking out because I was so exhausted from traveling anyway, and decided to wait until the next morning to email him at work, which I did. I said pretty much the same thing I did in my text message (maybe he just didn’t get it?) and thanked him for a great time and a great trip.
-Now its been 3 days and I’ve heard nothing (and I know he got my email because he is a blackberry ADDICT)
-What do you think his deal is? Was the not-staying-at-his-house thing a red flag? It made sense at the time, because he had mentioned putting it up for rent a few weeks earlier on the phone…and I think I passed the “friend” test because they all loved me…could it just be because he’s freaked out about the long distance thing? I wasn’t trying to marry the guy! And I never said anything about “hey what are you doing for thanksgiving?” or anything scary like that, so...???
-I just don’t get it because I am used to always having the upper hand in all of my “relationships” and in this case if feels like I’m throwing myself at him...my friends all think I should call him and ask what's going on,but I have NOT called or emailed because he knows how to get in touch with me if he wants to, right? And if he doesn't answer the phone I'll feel even worse, what do you think? Was he just lying through his teeth the entire time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2006
In reply to: sugahhh
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 6:52pm

Maybe something happened that he cannot get in touch with you. Stay calm, and call him if you are concerned. At least you will know what happened if you do.

It's too early to get upset. Be patient, time will tell.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
In reply to: sugahhh
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 7:21pm

If it were me, I would wait another day and send a text message saying "Haven't heard from you. Hope you are okay? Let me know." And then wait.

How often did you both talk on the phone earlier, before you met him? Was it almost everyday? Is this pattern very different from how it was before? If this seems like a sudden silence, that is unlike him, then something is going on. It could be anything. Work, health, personal. That's hard to say.

If you do not want to text message him, but instead wanna call him, wait for 2 or 3 more days and leave a message on his machine if he doesn't answer. That's perfectly legitimate, and called for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: sugahhh
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 8:28am

I can't tell you what is going on but it seems a little unusual that a blackberry addict wouldn't return your IM with a simple "I had a great time too."

Possible reasons why he hasn't:

1) He was in a horrible accident after he dropped you off at the airport and is in a coma.

2) He figured that this was a one-time thing and now he is going to move on.

3) He didn't have as great a time as you think he did.

I doubt he has another girlfriend since he introduced you to all his friends. If the problem isn't #1, this guy has no manners.

Live and learn, and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
In reply to: sugahhh
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 9:46am

He probably feels that things were moving too fast for him and decided to bail out.

________________________________________________
-The other days are great, no awkward pauses in the conversation, got along great (yes, in the bedroom too!)
_________________________________________________

However, this part of your post got my red flag up. Maybe you slept with him too soon and now he's lost interest. It happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
In reply to: sugahhh
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 1:35pm

I couldn't help but reply to the posts. I think you have every reason to wonder WTF is going on! I couldn't agree more with the early post(I apologize I didn't see who said it)BUT unless this guy is in a hospital bed in a coma he is a total loser. He has absolutely NO excuse for not calling or at a minium text message you.

I agree cut your losses and move on. You're too fabulous for this guy, he just doesn't deserve you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
In reply to: sugahhh
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 6:17pm
IMO he definitely should have traveled first to come out and see you in your hometown, and stayed at a hotel. Then if things went well, you could have gone to visit him the next time.
Sorry it doesn't seem to be working out...short of being hospitalized, there is no good reason for him not to have returned your text.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: sugahhh
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 9:49am

The whole not staying at his house thing raised a flag for me. Though it's a great excuse having renters, something about it just makes me do a double take. Also, just because you met his friends it means nothing. I've met many guys who were married and their friends would NEVER mention it to me. You just don't squeal on your boys... (or your girls). So that means nothing to me.


In any case though, I wouldn't bother contacting him again. You've done enough. Now it's up to him to come to you. If he doesn't, move on. You did nothing wrong and deserve to be treated better. Chalk it up to a lesson learned...