HELP! Should I stay or walk away?
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HELP! Should I stay or walk away?
| Wed, 04-07-2004 - 5:53pm |
I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. He's the best thing thats ever happened to me and we love each other very much. Everything was picture perfect until we went on vacation (it wasn't our first vacation together) last week. We had a wonderful time and he even said he had that time of his life but he also said that a few things happened on the trip that got him thinking that we were the best of friends, great lovers, but not marriage compatible. The only reasons he could give me for his thinking were about a few minor disagreements we had. He called these disagreements "problems" and if we had this many problems this early on in the relationship, what would it be like down the road? He's questioning his happiness in the future. I've tried to explain to him that a problem is something that you've tried and tried to work out but just can't. Our disagreements could very, very easily be comprimised. However, he says he needs time to clear his head and sort his thoughts. He asked for a week of space and I'm respecting his wishes even though it's agony. I really don't want to lose him but I feel so helpless! I'm also hurt that he would doubt our relationship when I thought it was rock solid. My friends tell me that lots of people take time to stand back and evaluate where the relationship is going. Is that true? Can this be overcome if he does decide that we're worth it? Any suggestions or support would be greatly appreciated. Thanks ladies

Curious--how old is he? And what were the "things" that made him reconsider?
I am sorry he feels this way - be strong and give him space until you decide that you have given him enough time and want to move on.
If the guy wants some time to re-evaluate the siuation, that's not a problem, right? It's not easy for you I know, but you can do this. What's more important, you know you have to do it if you are to be happy.
What advice would you give a girlfriend if she said she needed time away from her boyfriend to sort things out? You'd tell her to do it. So, if he is ultimately going to be your best friend, then you should support him in this effort, right?
If your girlfriend told you that as a result of her decision to take some time to think things over, he refused to talk her at all, unless she agreed to resume the relationship with him first, you'd probably warn her that he was attempting to control her. What is sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander, right?
I say you stick to your decision to give him the space, and for my money, I say you have chosen wisely. I also say you talk to him and hear what he has to say if and when he makes the effort to approach you. And, I think it would be smart of you to express your feelings about all of this as well, if and when he re-engages you in this regard.
I wish you the best. It is a tough thing to do, but it is only a week and it is very important for both of you.
I admire you Jules, you are smart and strong.
dh