Help! Two Guys Want me ...How To Deal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Help! Two Guys Want me ...How To Deal?
7
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 6:28pm

OKay I am not sure where to post this at so if you read it elsewhere its cause I wasn't sure where it belongs!

Problem: I have two guys after me right now and they both want to have be with me and have sex!

Guy #1: My recent ex-boyfriend. I broke up with him because after over a year he still didn't have a reliable job, still lives with him parents, still doesn't have his own car, and has to take meds that reduce his sex drive and so he wasn't interested in having sex for the last 6 months of our relationship. Now the good things about this guy is that he treats me like a queen, spoils me and deeply cares and loves me and he is a really good guy, thoughtful, does the little things, anticpates my needs, etc. Not the type of guy you get rid of lightly. My feelings about him are that I love him....I just don't feel IN love with him and there really was no passion or lust in our relationship (though he assures me he lusts for me but the meds just "turn off" his sex drive or desire) we were like an old married couple set in our routine...boring. This might be because of the reasons I broke up with him and I haven't allowed myself to totally, madly fall in love cause I didn't see a potential there. The situation stands at this: I broke up with him about 3 weeks ago but since he didn't want to break up and I felt that I needed to do something dramatic to give him a wake up call (take a stand) about improving his situation or I'm out of here I agreed to still "date" him but that I am going to see other people (mainly because of lack of sex). But now it appears that Guy #1 has altered his meds and is now wanting to have sex again and of course he wants to get back together with me but I'm not allowing that not until he at least gets a job at the bare minimum. But we are still "dating" and sex is allowed until then or until I don't want to see him anymore at all. Oh BTW when we have sex its usually very good.

Guy #2: The new guy I've met and started dating (and we've been having sex on each date). I like him but of course he is basically a stranger but the sex is excellent/great/steller extremely enjoyable to me. He says he is looking at long term potential as a possiblity and wants to see me at least once a week.

Okay to those people out there that are thinking to flame me I'll tell you right now that I'm careful...always safe sex. I'm not a tramp or slut either just a mostly neglected woman who now finds herself at a buffet of delights.

So I'm not really sure how to handle all the guy attentin/lust directed at me right now. And how to juggle seeing them cause they both want weekends with me due to being out of town (Guy #1) and work schedules during the week (Guy #2)! Its not the usual case for me and I've never had more then one guy interested in me that I was *also* interested in as well. How to deal with this? How to handle it?! As a shy wallflower type I'm totally over my head in this and would like some advice. I want to soak up all the attention and opportunities that I can get...being self-fish right now I guess. I never had a wild and crazy period but this may be it! I'm 29 if anyone needs to know that. Anyone Out there know what I'm talking about???

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 6:59pm

So long as you can handle sleeping with more than one person (I personally could not, but that's not a judgment, I'm just saying that's how I am), and you're not *lying* to either of them about being exclusive or monogamous, then I'd say just enjoy yourself!

So long as you haven't committed to be exclusive or monogamous, I think it would be tacky to bring it up, so I would only tell either guy if he asks. But if you have made any such commitment (or allowed either guy to believe that you have), then you do need to let that person know you've changed your mind and give him the choice of continuing or not.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 8:09pm

My sources say it hasn't worked with guy #1, it's not going to work now. Don't mean to sound harsh, but objectively, he sounds like a laundry list of problems at the moment. And the fact that you've already broken up before spells trouble. Unless you've been apart for some time and you have gotten over each other (doesn't sound like it), it's likely you will fall into the same pattern that led to your first break up. In a worst case scenario, this relationship may interfere with your meeting people better suited to you.

Focus on guy #2 but feel free to date others until you know more about him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 8:35pm
Be wary of guys who use women by sleeping with them and tell them they have long-term intentions with them. Just a warning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 9:44pm

Don't mean to be harsh but Guy #1 sounds like a LOSER! Lives with his parents, no car, doesn't have a reliable job. Tell him to give you a call when he gets his act together.

Guy #2 is a little more promising since he wants to see you once a week and is potentially looking for a long term relationship. One thing that strikes me is you said that Guy #2 is almost a stranger. In this day and age with infectious disease and STDs that doesn't seem to smart and don't think I would have sex with a man I felt was a virtual stranger. If you like living in the moment and are having fun then continue things with him and get to know him a little better before you jump into anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 12:30pm
Tell guy #1 that he needs to find gainful steady employment to be back in your good graces. Continue with #2 and see where things go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 4:32pm

That's easy... dump both of them and date me!

(kidding!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 12:42pm

I think that guy No. 1 meets your needs nominally, so he's hard to give-up. Guy No. 2 is full of possibilities, potentialities, so you want to explore what's there. I agree with Sheri that if you're not misleading anyone, you need to figure this out for yourself. I will say that it sounds like guy No. 1 only gives as much as he must to get what he wants. It's little wonder you haven't felt like giving your whole self. He probably does this in every situation.

Probably what would be best for you would be to figure-out what it is you're getting from either guy. Then decide if it's what you want or not. We have a lot of inner resources that many of us don't even begin to tap into. I suspect that if you can reach those, you'll be a lot happier in whatever you decide. Good luck!