HELP!!! What do I do?????
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| Sun, 07-18-2004 - 1:51am |
I'm 20 and I'm going through a very tormenting time. I like my boyfriend's friend. Before this, the both of us really enjoyed each other's company. I was able to share a lot of my thoughts with him, some that even my boyfriend doesn't know. Everything was fine until the guy confessed his feelings for me. Ever since then, we had somewhat an "affair", we don't have sex but we meet up sometimes to talk and sometimes even share a kiss or two. The problem is that I'm feeling so guilty but I just can't let him go. He is a very nice guy and I love the time I shared with him. I almost broke up with my boyfriend because of him. My boyfriend doesn't know about us but I don't want to ruin their friendship.
Another problem is that the guy has a girlfriend too. Actually, he don't really like the girl. They started to go out because the girl really like him. They always fight and he is getting very stressed. He tried breaking up with her but she threatened to kill herself. The girlfriend got to know about us when she secretly read the messages on her boyfriend's handphone. The both of us agreed that we should be friends only but everytime we meet, my feelings for him exceed that of a friend.
I tried ignoring him but everytime I see him feeling sad and unhappy, I will always sit down with him to hear him out. Then, after that I will always end up crying myself to sleep. I'm so confused and I'm hurt, I can't tell this to anyone. I need to pretend that I'm alright in front of him and my boyfriend. I don't know how much and how long can I keep this up.
I decided to break up with my boyfriend after his exams and I'm trying to convince myself that I don't like the guy. Help! I really don't know what to do anymore. Please advise. Am I doing the right thing? Do I like that guy? What can I do to stop all this?

It's very clear that you're caught in the middle here! But with 2 men and one woman in the equation...at least one male is gonna get hurt. The action you decide to take will probably "damage" the friendship between the 2 men.
If you HONESTLY want to break up with your b/f...then do it! But don't jump into the arms of the other man until enough time has passed. You need to reflect and serious reevaluate your feelings.
Maybe I'm mistaken, but if there was a way you could 'clone yourself'---you'd probably LOVE to date both guys at the same time?
Pianoguy
pianoguy,
Thank you for replying me.
I don't think I would date both of them at the same time. Nothing really serious happened between me and the other guy yet, but I'm already down in the dumps. Currently, I'm just holding on with my bf because I don't want to ruin his future because his exams are quite near. I know I'm going to hurt him but I want to be fair to him. After my first attempt of asking for a break-up, I haven't been very intimate with him anymore. I'll find a way to pull away from him whenever he kisses or hugs me. I can't live with the fact of being in someone's arms but my mind is yearning for another.
About the other guy, I'm not sure what am I going to do. Somehow I know that things won't be smooth for us and I don't really think there is a future for us if I want to keep their friendship intact. But I feel so sad when he is not around and I'm jealous when I see the gf and him around in campus. I want to believe that all that is happening now is just lust, a mere infatuation but I can't stop myself from feeling sad and helpless and I'm really hurting inside.
I have nobody I can talk to. I can't tell the guy because everytime I do, he won't know what to do. He'll only offers his apologies for landing me in this rut. He himself don't know how to end this problem. That makes me even sadder than before. And I definitely cannot tell my bf. So far, I'm still doing my best to handle my feelings but I don't know how long I can hold up before I breakdown emotionally.
Thank you for listening to me. At least I poured a bit of myself here.
Mirioki