Help? What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Help? What should I do?
3
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 11:03am
My bf and I have being dated since last Aug. He told me he was serious and he asked be to be his gf officially. We were good together and he is helpful and consider. However, since this Feb. He became unconsidered and he traveled with single friend to Thailand for 3 weeks and didn’t call. We had an argument before he left. After he got back, he still wants to be together. However, he seems not have passion at all and rude sometimes. And he said “it has to be natural” all the time. (Talking about kiss and hug). He doesn’t kiss me any more. Past Sunday morning, I pointed out that he never made bed since he stay at my place. He feels offended. We got in the augment. Then he said we broke up. We have this before twice because of small things. He said our personality is not compatible. He struggled about 5 months. I asked him why he didn’t point out that before. Then he said maybe 2-3 months ago. Since this year, he always stays at my place during the weekend. I try to spend time separately one day to break whole weekend together, but he got mad about this. Now we stay all most everyday together during the weekend, even I didn’t feel that way sometimes. I still let him stayed.

Now he is very cold and wants to break up. I am very frustrated and upset now. Why can we work things out? Should I just keep quite about making the bed? I think communication is important. I feel bad I didn’t pick up the prop rite words, but I just express my idea. Nothing to assault him. He got really mad and he never says sorry about making bed. Why he is doing this? What’s in his mind? Does he picking things on me means he was trying to break up? Why does he always say”it has to be natural” What should I do? I feel really frustrated. I like him, but he really wants to break up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 11:22am
Why do you want someone who is cold, wishy-washy, inconsiderate and disrespectful? You asked him to help you make the bed and he refuses. You are not a maid.

He sounds very confused. On the one hand, he says you're incompatible and that you 2 should break up, but yet he wants to spend every night with you??? Doesn't this guy have a place of his own? You don't need anyone who says hurtful things to you and then doesn't even have the guts to follow his own advice.

Get a grip on yourself, hon. Both of you need to figure out what you want and what you NEED, and it doesn't sound like you need each other. Put an end to this rollercoaster relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 11:30am
Thanks! I feel really bad about this. I tried to communicate with him, but it didn't work. I went to his place last evening. He was really cold and mean. He doesn't want to discuss about this. I felt that I can't communicate with him. What should I do now? I like to let him know feeling, even we won't to be together. I feel really hurt. I didn't do anything wrong, but it seems I did everything wrong. What should I tell him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 2:32pm
It has been more than a week since we broke up. I wrote here on March 22. Following your response, I really thought about this relationship. There is a lot good time we spent together. I really regret the argument. I miss him a lot, but I didn’t call him and email him, since I think that I need more time to think about it myself. He sent me a very short email last Thursday morning that he said he think break up is right thing to do. He said he sorry that he did treat me nicely that evening since he wanted sometime alone. I have to admit that I was very emotional that evening (8 days ago). I wrote him a passionate email before he sent email, but I didn’t sent to him. Finally, the email I response to him on the day after his email was clam and cold. I told him that I think break up is good thing to do too and I did a lot good things and I feel freedom. It is truth, but meanwhile, I miss him a lot and I miss the time we spend together. I think we still have base to be together. However, he didn’t response my email. We talked on the phone yesterday because of some other continuing issues before the argument. We didn’t even touch the topic. I assume we are friend now. However, after thoroughly thinking, I think I still like him a lot. If we can solve the argument or compromise each other, we can still be really good together. Do I have hope?

What should I do? I am not daring to initiate to “get back” topic. It might to go nowhere. I might have to see him because of other stuff this Wednesday. What should I do?

What is he thinking now?