Help, what's going on here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Help, what's going on here?
3
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 12:43pm
Hello everyone. Here's my problem. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. I'm 26 and he's 31. Last week was our 5 year anniversary. I thought that we were going to to something special. But to my surprise, he told me that "it's just 5 years of dating, not like we are married or anything." So we didn't do anything. In fact he spent it with his guy friends. Also, lately we have been talking about getting married and all that stuff. On that night he told me that he was not ready to get married but, he thought that maybe he could start on working towards a future for us but now he doesn't want to. I asked him how long he expects me to wait for him to be ready and he said "I never asked you to wait." What is going on? Thanks for your help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 1:07pm
5 yrs. of dating? HE's 31? Hmmmm. The fact that he said "I never asked you to wait" kind of burns me. What I'm hearing is, "if you don't like the way things are then you don't have to stay". One would think that at your ages and 5 yrs. of dating, the talk of marriage would be getting pretty serious. Sounds like your man likes the way things are. Honestly, I would probably get out of the relationship. If marriage is truly what you want and he doesn't, then it's not healthy for you to continue waiting. If you make the move to move on with your life without him, then if he truly wants to spend his life with you, maybe it will be a wake-up call for him. Sounds like he's a 31 yr. old boy who is still into going out and having fun with the boys.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 5:09pm
vanillasmoothie...

It's pretty clear from this man's attitude that you are not his girl or his fiancee...you are an ACCESSORY. After the 5-year mark, most men either make a commitment or move on to somebody else.

You are expecting more than "I never asked you to wait"---so why in the world are you wasting any more time on this 31-year old male. Besides...this is a good indication as to how he feels about anniversaries, right? I'll bet he'd ignore a lot of 'em if the 2 of you ever decided to marry?

Give him up to the boys...and find yourself a man!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:01am

I responded to you on Guy Talk...here is my cut and paste:


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