HELP:Guy shows up at 2.30am, leaves note

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
HELP:Guy shows up at 2.30am, leaves note
30
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 12:37pm
Hi,

I posted a few weeks back about a guy I met in a bar - we hit it off and he called me all week - we went out, and we did spend the night together. I didn't regret it, I thought he was a decent guy though a bit odd - and he said he'd call me... I never heard from him. I left one voice mail and one text message over the next week but he didn't reply. 12 days passed, and last night I was awoken in the middle of the night by 3 phone calls. It was him. He was actually sitting in his car in my driveway calling me on his cell phone! He didn't admit he was sitting there, but was fishing around to 'stop by'.. saying he had been out of town and just getting back... it's on the way past my house, blah blah. I pretended not to know he was in my driveway by playing dumb.. told him I had to go back to sleep because I'm working the next day (tuesday night!!) and then my doobell rang about 10 times.. I then heard a car drive away. I was really scared.

The next morning when i went outside I found a note he left on the door saying he stopped by to say hi...

Should I call this guy and express my dislike for what he did last night and clarify if I might have given him the wrong idea? I'm sure he was looking for a booty call but I don't want this to happen again. It was so inappropriate.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 2:40pm
So if he sent flowers you'd see him again? How would that make him less scary?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 3:14pm
I guess that flowers are the universal "get out of jail free card" when a guy screws up - even if there were no clear boundaries set in the 1st place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 3:58pm
As I recall, Ted Bundy made use of that card.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 11:55pm
Noone has ever sent me flowers - if a guy did that it would really mean something to me - that's why it's my point of reference. And alas, I did not receive any..... a signal to me that he isn't a sensitive guy at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:18am
That guy clearly was treating you as nothing better than a booty call. It goes how shallow some men are but how complex women are. A gentleman will contact a woman before just showing up at her door. It's a matter of respect. He is not respecting you in what he did. I guess though for your future encounters with guys, make sure you demonstrate how you want to be treated for long-term purposes before you sleep with them (no matter how wild-fun it may be). If you want to be treated respectfully by a guy, make sure you wait a little longer to be sexually active with him so he can really get a better idea of who you are on the inside otherwise he will think of you nothing more than a conquest like this jerk - not the loveable, capable, worthwhile female to be a great friend or girlfriend to him that you KNOW you are on the inside. :D It may seem outdated, but men don't read minds and they need to be "taught" how to treat you the way you WANT to be treated. Very cut and dried like a lightswitch. Just chalk this up to experience. We all live, we all learn. We have successes, we get into binds. I think you'll ride this one out and be ok. Keep your chin up and tell yourself in the mirror "I deserve to be treated considerately" as a mantra 1000s of times and then maybe the men you meet will pick up on your attitude of confidence and of feeling worthy and you'll be able to fend off many more jerks. Best of luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 10:43am
Maybe it would mean something to you but chances are, sending flowers wouldn't mean anything to him. You're placing a lot of importance on an unimportant gesture. Anyone can send flowers, even with little emotional attachment. Personal sacrifice is another matter.

And really, your first signal that he's not a sensitive guy would be a 2:30 am booty call followed by a series of knocking on your door. Not sending flowers after this event is more of a signal that he doesn't even think what he did is wrong.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 11:18am
Sounds like a drunk drive by/call or he's just a nut case. What creeps me out is that he sat in your driveway. I would definitely stay away from him. Don't go out of your way to call him to tell him how you feel. Maybe he'll get the hint if you dodge his calls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2001
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 7:08pm

Personally, this guy sounds scary.

CL for 11 years
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 7:59pm
Warning signs: talks incessantly, 2:30 a.m. visit, disappears and reappears. My guess: a big time drug user. Educate yourself & visit drug abuse websites. He may need help. Change your phone number, get a dog, a room mate to hang out with for security reasons. Please be careful. Talk to him only during the day time and not in a bar. Preferably in an outdoor setting. DO NOT sleep with him. He sounds lonely. DO NOT give him money or hang out with him. Keep busy and lots of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 5:17am
DON'T call him. DON'T talk to him again. GET caller I.D. DON'T answer the phone if you don't recognize the number. DON'T answer your door at 2:30 a.m. BUY mace. And DON'T spend the night with a guy you just met in the bar again.

SHEESH!!

Pages