HELP....How do I reassure him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
HELP....How do I reassure him?
5
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 3:29pm
I've been dating a guy, Chip, for the past few weeks now who had only been a friend previously. As friends we talked on the phone, sent text messages, and went to lunch occasionally. We decided to finally get together for a date and made plans for a Friday evening. As a single girl I also had other dates lined up for the weekend along with a guy, Andrew, still in the picture who hadn't given me the time of day unless he felt like it. My friend and I had a nice dinner out, good conversation, along with some time hanging out at his place. I ended the date rather abruptly after I received several calls from Andrew. I left feeling foolish because I really liked Chip but I thought I still had a chance with Andrew, who I thought was the guy for me. Obviously Chip felt he had done something wrong for me to leave so abruptly, which he had not. The following day we talked and he wanted to get together that night but I had another date already planned. Chip was a little disappointed to find out I had plans for Sunday as well. I didn't talk to him too much over the couple of days that followed our night out and was kind of blowing him off. Well in the few weeks that followed our first date I ended up blowing off Chip one too many times and he was fed up and ready to not continue seeing or talking to me. It was that day Chip told me how he felt about me and how he couldn't take me hurting him anymore I realized he was the only guy I wanted to spend my time with. I cut ties with Kyle and Andrew so I could date Chip exclusively.

Now Chip continues to think I'm going to up and "run away" from him again eventhough I keep telling him I'm not going to. Yesterday when I saw him he told me he had been thinking of ending things with me because he has constantly been thinking I'm not going to stay with him.

How in the world do I fix this and reassure him he can trust me and to reassure him I'm not going to "run away" again?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 4:26pm
I don't think Chip will fully believe you for awhile. Just keep trying to reassure him, tell him how you want things to work for the both of you, if he still wants to break up with you then you really can't do anything about it. You can't MAKE him believe you, but if you stay together chances are that it will probably be while before he can fully trust that you'll stay. If you truely believe that things will work out then maybe you could do something to prove that your serious like if you have a little black book or reminders of old loves you could get rid of them or just put them away. Do somehting to prove your serious. Other than keep reassuring him and proving yourself I don't know what to tell you. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 4:38pm
Sounds to me like you weren't honest with Chip to begin with that you were dating other men, so he naturally was upset to find this out. Now you wish to be exclusive with Chip, but he has a hard time believing you since A)you didn't say you were dating others up front and B)bailed out after Andrew threw you a bone of a chance. NOW you realize that things with Andrew won't work out because he's a jerk and here's this great guy in Chip, but you've hurt Chip and want to rewind the clock.

I think to regain his trust you need to make sure you give him your undivided attention when you are with him. If you have a cell phone, have him see you turn it OFF when you are with him. Invite him to a whole night together, like renting a couple movies, getting some take-out and shutting off the phone. You need to let him know that he's the priority if you are spending time together.

I'm sure that given a little time and a little more attention from you, he will relax. Think about how you would feel if the guy you were dating rushed off because some other girl phoned? Remember: actions speak louder than words.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 3:30pm
Thanks for your words of advise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 3:46pm
Agree with everything you said, thanks for taking the time to reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 5:28pm
Depending on his feelings right now...watching you shut off your cell may make him wonder if you don't want him to hear it ringing because other guys are calling. If it were me..I'd just shut if off before meeting up with him or put on vibrate and throw in your purse. Men can be bigger analyzers than us when they are feeling insecure! jmho