hes dating around, but I dont want to

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
hes dating around, but I dont want to
6
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 7:26pm

I met this guy a few weeks ago. We get along great, have alot in common, etc. Hes a filmmaker and I am an artist, like the same books, etc.I like him alot, so much that I know I could commit to a relationship with him. The issues...

1. hes very busy with work plus hes a filmmaker. He keeps telling me hes taking a "sabbatical" to work on a film so he doesnt have tons of free time. He does make a point of explaining to me that his schedule will calm down when he returns to law school in the fall, and once this film is done. PLus he has apparently written a part for me in this film, it s a short one.
This is a good sign right?

2. When we first met, he seemed so interested but now I dont know.
I do know hes spending alot of time on this film right now hence the sabbatical thing.
But I DONT know if thats why I dont hear from him as much as before...
He isnt a jerk, and he isnt just making up this stuff about his film...hes not the passive aggressive type of guy to use that as an excuse. And he does still ask me out.

3.In addition to his lack of free time, I know hes dating other people, casually.
I am not dating anyone else...
Is there a way to get him to stop dating around and only date me?
I know men dont like to be pressured into monogamy, I know I dont.
But I havent felt this strongly about anyone in almost a year, and I can see it going somewhere.
Should I just keep hanging out with him, and wait until his film is done and he has more time to broach this? Is he even interested in me in a romantic way anymore?

Please help! I have been obssessing about this.

Thanks,
Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 8:48pm
Dear, the guy doesn't put all his eggs in one basket like you do. It's not wise to cling to the first man you meet. Date others like he's doing and get to know others. A few weeks is not enough time to "know that he's the one OR say you can committ to this man". Follow his lead and date other men as well. You could meet a man with more time for you and more willing to have a relationship than this film maker guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 9:38am

erinecb...

PG reminder:

When a man "dates around", it's a good indication that he doesn't want to become permanently involved (AKA EXCLUSIVE) with one particular woman.

While the 2 of you might have tons of stuff in common, your objective (a monogamous relationship) ISN'T HIS!

Why not let him complete his "film epic" and sustain the friendship you currently have? When the pressure is off of him, you can always let him know that you'd like to be his one and only g/f?

Perhaps his response will be more POSITIVE?

Pianoguy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 11:27am

Have the two of you talked about what each of you is looking for in a relationship, in general terms? I don't agree that just because a guy is dating other people early on in a relationship, that means he's not looking for anything serious down the road. It could just be he wants to take his time to get to know several people in order to decide who he's most compatible with.

A talk about what he's looking for, *in general*, not with you (it's too early for that), and sharing with him what type of relationship YOU are looking for, would be useful at this point.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 12:01pm
thats probably what Im going to do.
After all I have a busy life too. Just started a new job and its alot of stress to perform well.
I was dating a couple other people, but I dont see the point in staying with someone if I knwo its not going to go anywhere...I am still friends with both guys, though.
I guess I am focusing on the one thing I dont have since my life is mostly going well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 12:26pm

erinecb...

It's entirely possible that your dream of a monogamous relationship will eventually take form? But it might not be with any of the men you're currently seeing?

PG hasn't given up on the dream of having a lifetime companion (again), but has learned that she's not necessarily going to be the first woman who takes an interest in him.

You sound like you've got plenty of "irons in the fire" when it comes to career and interests...so why not enjoy those for now? I'm willing to bet that there's a MR. RIGHT who will eventually show up for you?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 3:42pm
You can't make him stop dating other people - you know this - certainly not at this stage anyway. All you can do it take several deep breaths, get grounded and get busy in your own life which at this stage should also include dating other people
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