He's free: want him to let me in
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He's free: want him to let me in
| Mon, 09-05-2005 - 1:13pm |
Hi All
Long story short : I had been dating a guy for a short while who went back to his ex-girlfriend for the kids sake. Now 2 months later the relationship has completely broken down. He is of course very angry and hurting. We have stayed friends through all this. His ex has even gone back to a guy she had been seeing before.
My question is how do I let him know that I want to be with him without scaring him away or making him feel uncomfortable ?

Question for you... why would you want to be with a guy who left you in the first place? Most times, a person who will leave the first time, will leave again. And I understand he told you it's for the kids, but that's usually a nice way of saying he just wants to go back to the wife/girlfriend.
I don't want to be harsh, but if he wanted to be with you, he would have stayed with you. Please, reconsider going back. You deserve a man who will stay with you and not leave you for anyone, no matter the excuse.
I am curious still to know why you want to go back, so please let me know and hopefully we can help you through it all.
Hi
Thanks for the reply. I guess I want to try with him again, 'cos we didn't really have a chance to begin with and also we get along extremely well, and when we do spend time together everything is so good.
I'm just finding it very hard to let go, 'cos I guess I just want to see what would happen, if we could make a go of it. I just don't want to forever wonder what if ?
Hon, totally hear ya... but remember... he chose someone over you. Period, end of story. Please don't go back it's not worth it. It's not worth your heart, your soul... any of it.
Do you really want to be with someone who chose someone else over you???
:(
A favorite comment I often heard from another poster on another board is "Why give him another chance to reject you?". So to answer your question of how you let him know... you don't! First, he hurt you and rejected you in the past. He might do it again. Second, he is angry and hurt and not in a good place right now. Anything that you could even possibly start with him now would either be a rebound at best or very unhealthy at worst.
So be his friend (if you can) and support him but a relationship is out of the question for now and maybe forever.
He's obviously going through a very tough, draining time where he can't think very clearly. Just tell him (and mean it) that for right now you just want to be a friend, someone he can count on and confide in. If something develops in time, so be it but timing is crucial and it doesn't seem optimum right now for a healthy, lasting romance to bloom. He needs time to grieve, heal, do what he needs to do. So if you can handle just being friends (and I think that's the level you should keep it on for the forseeable future) then again tell him that an d stick to that. But if you have ulterior motives and secretly long for more he'll know it.