He's Going to Cheat on me TODAY!!!
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 04-06-2004 - 9:03am |
Well, yesterday, he came from work (he's a teacher) and says, "Hey babe, I have a PTA meeting to attend...tomorrow. It starts at 6:00 pm to 7:30pm." I said, okay, but in the back of my mind, something didn't feel right.
When he has a meeting, he usually tells me a few days in advance. He NEVER tells me the day before. And when he talks to me, especially when he has something important to say, he ALWAYS looks me in the face. But when he informed me about this "meeting" he was looking away from me. Something just felt all wrong about that conversation.
So, he went to work this morning, and I immediately got up and logged onto the computer. I went to his school website and checked out the campus calendar. Sure enough, there is a PTA meeting, but it isn't for another TWO WEEKS!!! But still, I gave him the benifit of the doubt, maybe the calendar was wrong. So I called the campus secretary..."No, there is no PTA meeting today, sorry."
So now I know he lied, and the wedding will be put on hold, if not cancelled altogether.
But do you think I should call him at work, and let him know that I know he lied, or should I sit back, watch, and wait to see what he does with the 4 extra hours after work that he thinks he has secured?

Pages
If not, if your antennae are up and you really do think he is going to cheat - I would have a really hard time sitting at home thinking that he's off with some other woman. I do think I would call him on it, before tonight. It is possible that he has an explanation. Can you maybe meet him for lunch? Or stop by for a coffee break? I would want to have this conversation in person, if at all possible, so you can see how he reacts. Watch his eyes and his body language.
Another option is to tell him you'd like to attend the meeting with him (if they are open meetings). I'm not sure about that one though, you can't run around checking up on him forever.
I would suggest, before you get your panties in a twist that you stop running around like a chicken with your head cut off. Take a deep breath and actually have a conversation with your fiance about why he would lie/mislead/misinform you in the first place. The fact that your jumping to these conclusions without any proof simply makes you look desperate.
Obviously, lying isn't his strong suit~be thankful for that. Maybe it would be best to just say to him that you after living together it was hard not to notice that he seemed a little uncomfortable when telling you about the meeting and if there's something he would like to discuss you're open to talking with him about it and leave it at that for this go round since you really don't have a clue what it is he's doing.
Michelle
Michelle
Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious vis
He cheated on me during the first year that we were dating. And that was the only other time he just came out and told me a blatant lie. Ofcourse he tells little unimportant lies every now and then...my hair looks nice when it really looks like a train wreck. Things like that. But he doesn't just come out and LIE about serious matters. Like I said, he did that once before and that's when he was seeing some other two dollar tramp.
Now, he did it again. I don't know what else to think.
ok, you have been together for 5 years and he cheated on youy the first year but not in the past 4 years...
You ahve gotten closer during the past four years and you have learned to rely on him but yet you remain suspicious because he announced the meeting in a different manner than what he usually does and that, in itself, made you suspicious to the point where you checked into it.
What I would do in this situation is this... you know that there is no meeting even though he told you there is... but, you don't know what he is going to do with his time... why not wait it out and see? Unless you have more conclusive proof of his intentions you are only making assumptions and to leap into an accusation at this point may leave you empty handed.
Remember, knowledge is power - you have the knowledge that he didn't tell you the truth but you do not know the motivation for it. Granted, it isn't good to lie but this may turn out to be something other than what you are assuming it is.
Wait until you have more knowledge of how he spent his time. Watch his actions, see what you can detect. But, know exactly what you are accusing him of if you decide to accuse him.
tg
First of all... you're getting married. And you're getting married to a man who's cheated on you once before and have reason to believe is cheating on you now. Now, for whatever reason, it doesn't really matter why, the fact that you assume that he's cheating on you again would make one wonder how much you really trust him. The fact that you can't bring yourself to discuss it with him in a logical matter (i.e. Sweetie, there's no pta meeting today, what's going on?) makes me wonder how strong your relationship is. Neither of these things have anything to do with your sparkling personalities. It has everything to do with the strength of your relationship and your ability to communicate about your relationship.
I feel your pain, it hurts when someone cheats on you. And it can make it hard to trust that person again. However, you made the decision to continue this relationship. And again you made the decision to further the relationship by getting married (as saying no is an option). You can't blame him anymore for what happened 4 years ago. If you're still going to use this as an explanation of your feelings toward him, than you're being a hypocrite. You had an opportunity after you first found out to continue the relationship and apparently you decided that you wanted to be with him regardless of his behavior. If you're going to use that as an excuse for why you can't trust him now, than it's pretty obvious you haven't forgiven him and therefore don't trust him to care about your feelings, leading me to think that there's every reason why you shouldn't get married.
But again, all of this information is heresay. You still don't know what he's doing. He hasn't told you and you haven't asked. And until you do so, then all of this is speculation. But if you're willing to assume the worst, than I can only assume the worst for your engagement.
Once again, thanks for the advice. I'll keep you all posted on what really goes down.
Also, since your wedding is in June, if you haven't had a shower already, there could be one in the works!
I hope that your suspicions aren't true. I do think that we all need to trust our gut instincts a bit more and you certainly do sound convinced. I hope you don't mind my saying so, but even though it was 4 years ago that he cheated on you, perhaps you really truly aren't over it if that is the first conclusion that you automatically jump to? I'm not saying you haven't forgiven him, but how you reacted may mean that you yourself have serious questioning to do before that June date arrives.
But hey, what do I know? I'm 29 and divorced!
Good luck and keep up posted.
Kelly
Pages