He's great friends with ex so soon?!How?
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He's great friends with ex so soon?!How?
| Tue, 03-02-2004 - 10:09am |
Hi,
I posted here about a month ago-i had just started dating a great guy, great in many ways except the timing is probably *weird* as he just got out of a long term highschool sweetheart relationship. Although it was long distance a majority of the time-it seems like they had a pretty good relationship. She was the one to end it-and she is dating someone else now too. He has been very open with me about things, and he has truly been wonderful to me (told me he's really falling for me, really thinks that we have a great future-assures me he would not go back to his ex if she wanted him back)...but of course i'm still feeling neurotic. Here's the thing-they talk almost every day from what he has told me! I mean i know their break up is fairly recent-and they were best friends-but can our relationship really progress if they are still talking so often? He hasn't seen her...she lives 6 hours away. Also, he mentioned that they have talked about me, and talked about her new boyfriend and that in some ways it's been good for them to talk about, and at other times weird. I do feel good about the fact that they talk about each other's new significant others, it means to me that they aren't living in a world separate from that when they speak on the phone, BUT I guess my opinion is that it would be okay for them to be friends eventually-but that you need to separate yourself from someone to truly get over them for a period of time-before you can see them as a friend and not still be attached to romantic memories. Should I talk to him about this? Should i put our relationship on hold to protect myself? It's only about 6-7 weeks old at this point-but we are boyfriend/girlfriend now, so I want to make sure this is right before we get any more serious. He has been totally honest with me about everything, and i don't think he has any intention of hurting me, I just am not sure I trust the closeness they are having.
Thanks for any advice!
I posted here about a month ago-i had just started dating a great guy, great in many ways except the timing is probably *weird* as he just got out of a long term highschool sweetheart relationship. Although it was long distance a majority of the time-it seems like they had a pretty good relationship. She was the one to end it-and she is dating someone else now too. He has been very open with me about things, and he has truly been wonderful to me (told me he's really falling for me, really thinks that we have a great future-assures me he would not go back to his ex if she wanted him back)...but of course i'm still feeling neurotic. Here's the thing-they talk almost every day from what he has told me! I mean i know their break up is fairly recent-and they were best friends-but can our relationship really progress if they are still talking so often? He hasn't seen her...she lives 6 hours away. Also, he mentioned that they have talked about me, and talked about her new boyfriend and that in some ways it's been good for them to talk about, and at other times weird. I do feel good about the fact that they talk about each other's new significant others, it means to me that they aren't living in a world separate from that when they speak on the phone, BUT I guess my opinion is that it would be okay for them to be friends eventually-but that you need to separate yourself from someone to truly get over them for a period of time-before you can see them as a friend and not still be attached to romantic memories. Should I talk to him about this? Should i put our relationship on hold to protect myself? It's only about 6-7 weeks old at this point-but we are boyfriend/girlfriend now, so I want to make sure this is right before we get any more serious. He has been totally honest with me about everything, and i don't think he has any intention of hurting me, I just am not sure I trust the closeness they are having.
Thanks for any advice!

From my point I wanted to reassure you that the same thing happen to me instead I was the one that got dumped and then I moved on my ex-BF and I have been best friends for the past 9 yrs and I am happily married to the guy that I always talked about to him 3 yrs this May 2004 so rest assured that it sounds like this guy cares for you and he and his ex may talk and its weird since they are talking about their new loves in their lives but soon that awarkdness will be gone and they will be friends and you two will be together for this guy loves you so much that he wants everyone to know including his ex and not to rub it in her face but to let her know that hes ok and that he has moved on to a wonderful person and that my friend is YOU!!!!
Good Luck!!
Thanks so much for your positive response. I hope you are right!!! I do think it's a good sign he could be friends with his ex-i think that usually means there are resolved feeings about it-i know that i can't be friends with an ex, or even fool myself into being one, when i want to get back together, or vice versa. So maybe i should stop being such a freak and trust him a bit?! Imagine that! Basically, all i think i can do for the time being is let time tell, and protect myself from falling for him too much until more time has gone on. I do let him do 75% of the calling (not that i keep count-but just a general letting him pursue me more thing), and i have let him express his feelings and do nice things for me (again not that i'm being cold-i'm just observing and letting him run the show for now-so that i can gauge how much he's interested in ME).
I'm glad you have had such a positive relationship with your ex---does your current husband mind? Did he ever approach you about back in the day? If so, did you feel untrusted, or that he was too insecure? I still do want to talk to my new man about it-in a more casual manner-but I don't want to appear too jealous (cuz i hate jealousy myself!).
Thanks! Take care!