He's with her;so why's he staring at me?
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| Sat, 10-07-2006 - 6:44pm |
These are the ages of the below discussed...thought it might be helful info. Me:25 "John":21 Her:26
Back in the spring I dated a guy for 2 months and both obviously cared a lot about each other and were always together. A few months before we met, his ex-girlfriend broke up with him...after we dated I found out it was because, "he knew what he wanted", but "she wasn't sure what she wanted". This was the 2nd or 3rd time they had dated.--within a week she was dating another guy she had dated at least that many times and they stayed together about 2 months...
Forward to me and "John" dating--from about the time we met she was calling/texting him, begging him back. Eventually he ends up going home (he lives where I am for college, she's from his hometown) for springbreak to work; she talks him into going to the movies with her one night. The following weekend he ends up confessing this to me...he basically admitted that he has feelings for two people and didnt know what to do...I asked him if him and her had kissed and he said "no, but I don't know that I wouldn't have if she had tried". I ended up telling him that I can't date someone who likes two people. (That summer I was going on a mission trip for two months--and I knew even if I could keep him until then--the way she was pursuing him I would probably lose him anyway)
--Sooo...shortly after that, they were back together..
Now forward to the present. "John" and I attend the same church and his girlfriend comes to visit about every other weekend. I try to act completely normal and be his friend as much as possible, but when she's there I can't hardly even look their way. She has a "backstabber" reputation--so the "trying to be her friend" thing just isn't much of an option. I hear they are talking marriage, however I have friends that have seem him practically staring a hole through me--even while he was sitting by her recently. I even caught him doing this yesterday--he looked away right as I looked at him. I have felt for a while that he's been avoiding coming to my house when people come over,etc, due to him maybe still having feelings. So, I guess my question is...does this really mean anything? and if so, can I do anything about it? I hate to see him stay with someone out of habit or pride, rather than love--if that's the situation.

You may hate to see it, but that's his choice, not yours... Let's be real here. He has decided to be with this girl. Why mess with that? Would you want another girl to do that to you?
Leave the past where it should be... just let it be, ok?
If he wanted something more with you, it would be up to him...
"Would you want another girl to do that to you?"
Well, technically speaking...she did do "that" to me. :0) Actually, she'd broke up a friend and that other guy that she has tended to date quite a bit in the past a few times(That would be the same one she dated the week after she broke up with "John"..sadly I found out about this stuff after the fact--otherwise when "John" told me she was contacting him and he didn't know if he should be answering the calls or not..I would have taken this opportunity to say I'd rather he no! --but I didn't know what this girl was like at the time.
All that said--I am not like her. I agree with you; I would never do anything to try to break someone up. However, I still wonder if his feelings were pretty strong toward me would he assume it was hopeless anyway? I really am trying to move on..I have other interests and all that...Just trying to understand this..I find it strange and annoying.
I am sure John has plenty of "feelings" for you. But John is with someone else and nobody is holding a gun to his head to stay with his girlfriend.
So, regardless of all the feelings, you need to move on.