"He's Just Not That Into You"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
"He's Just Not That Into You"
2
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 2:30pm

Hello,

Upon coaxing from a friend, I recently listened to the "He's Just Not That Into You" CDs.
I was wondering how all of you that read/know about this book feel about the authors’ points? I think a lot of good points were brought up, and it was quite amusing to listen to. Throughout the reading I kept applying the examples of situations to my life and kept thinking, uh-oh, oh %%$#&.. that is what happened to me, oh no!!!! The book makes sense, but I cannot help to think that the views in the book are a bit too rigid for these days, for example a point was made that if a guy calls you late in the week to hang out on the weekend, that he is just not that into you. Or if you happen to approach a guy, that the relationship is doomed to fail from the start. Stuff like that.

Maybe I am just wanting to deny the truth in front of me but…this book seems to assume that there is a set formula for getting it right between two people, an unspoken yet consciously known dance with a set of rules. I know there is a bit of game playing in the beginning stages of dating, like for instance…well if he called me last time, then it is ok for me to call him next time..a sort of score-card so to speak.

But what do you think about this book? Do you find that in essence it is true?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 3:17pm

I probably shouldn't comment because I have not read it. However, to me it is kind of like "The Rules" book. I am sure both books have useful information -- but it really is the subjective opinions of the authors. There is nothing scientific about these books. I could certainly do research about how women feel about motherhood, poll 20 women about the same age in my city -- then write a book claiming this is how women feel about motherhood. I am sure I will hit on a lot of truths, but there would be a wide margin for differing opinions.

I am sure some of that book is just common sense. I believe that if you go out on a first date with a guy and hear nothing back for the first few days after -- then he wasn't that impressed.
I just feel between those two books that it is miracle men and women still hook up. My SO and I met online about 3 years ago. After our first meeting I sent him an email to let him know I enjoyed the evening and thanking him for treating (we ended up closing the pub down). It just seemed like the polite and gracious thing to do. Thankfully I didn't realize I was breaking the 'rules' -- LOL.
Seriously though, I am sure if I read it I would have some AHA! moments. I would keep in mind that they are opinions and not the absolute truth of life!

Lois

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 4:30pm
I used to hate it but now I think it's actually pretty good. No "self help" book is right on all counts but this one makes some excellent points. Sure, a lot of it is common sense but how many times have you been out on these boards and some poor girl is saying "OK - I went out with this guy and we had a really, really, really great time! We talked, we laughed, we hugged at the end! Ahhh, I just had such a wonderful time!! But it's been 5 days and he hasn't called! Oh my goodness, should I just call him? I'm dying here - I thought he really liked me and all I really want to know is if he's OK... yadda, yadda, yadda." So while it is "common sense" per se, so many of us still don't follow it! I think if you use it as a guideline, it will definitely help things a lot. What I get from it (and I have heard him in interviews too) is that women need to think more highly of themselves than to throw themselves at some bozo that doesn't give them the time of day. There's guys out there that will be interested enough to call and pursue them. Sure it's the 21st century, but deep down, this dating game is still very much the same as it's always been.

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