He's not calling!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
He's not calling!
13
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 8:01pm
So after our first date on Friday, the guy was the one trying to find out if I had had a good time or not (and i.e. if I wanted to go out again), I said that we should go on another date and then he asked how that would happen, and I told him to call me. He responded when? And I said any time. And then he said that he was busy for the rest of the weekend, so I said fine call me during the week. It is now Wednesday and he still hasn't called me. I am really going nuts and am upset that maybe he changed his mind about calling. How long am I supposed to wait? Should I call him? What is going on? Help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 8:30pm

Your response was vague. He asked you when could he call you and you said "any time", so hon, any time can be Thrusday, Friday OR Sunday. He seemed to want to go out with you again and wanted to set up a date right then and there. You gave him a vague response. Maybe, by your response he felt the vib that you didn't want to go out again.

In your place, I'd e-mail him or call him with a breezy message stating that you ARE indeed interested in getting together very soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 8:40pm
I understand your point. But during the conversation I told him out and out that "i would like to go on a second date" (after he prompted me on how I had enjoyed the evening)and then he went into the conversation about when he should call etc. Does that change the scenario?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 10:15pm

The last he heard and recorded in his mind was "call me any time". Any time says that you enjoyed the date but that you're not willing to committ to a second one just yet.

It's like when you go out on a date and your date says he's enjoyed the night and you enjoyed it too and want to get together again, BUT at the end of the night he doesn't set a date and he'll say "I'll call you". You get all worked up because he did say he enjoyed your company and you wanted to get together again, he seemed to be into you, BUT he didn't set up a date.

I suspect that the guy likes you and wants to get together again, but then he feels that you're not interested enough to go out so he's waiting to call you. Only he knows when he'll call. That's why I suggest to give him a call and leave a breezy message telling him that you enjoyed his company and that you'd like to get together again, let him him know when you'll be available for him to call you. That way he has a time when he'll be sure you'll pick up the phone. The ball will be in his court.




Edited 11/8/2006 10:20 pm ET by lightandbright
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 9:24am

Here is the crux of the issue. You are probably an intelligent assertive young lady who is used to being self sufficient. Unfortunately, you are trying to play a good dating game where the man asks for dates and the lady politely accepts. This man told you he enjoyed the evening and also told you he would call you again....but there has been no call. If this was a business deal you would call him up and ask him what is going on, but it isn't.

You have a couple of choices:

1) Patiently wait a few more days. If he doesn't call assume he isn't interested or is dysfunctional and move on.

2) Call him up, ask him how things are going and whether he is free Saturday to have dinner with you.

I'm older and have no patience for "the rules". I tend to get what I want too. You can proceed however you wish though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 10:02am

Thank you! This is the problem - I'm trying to follow the rules except I really don't like them! I also don't think this guy is appropriate for the rules (I don't see us going more than casual dating although I would like to date him for a while) and I doubt he is any inkling of them.

I have decided I will call him tonight and if he doesn't want to date again then the sooner I know the better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 10:29am
Good for you, if he doesn't want to see you anymore then he will have to tell you, in which case you can move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 10:20am
Any updates on this one?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 10:27am

I guess i'll play devils advocate here and say that i dont really see how, call me anytime translates into, not interested because it didnt state a time frame. If someone told me to call them anytime and we'd just had a date, i'd probably wait about 2 days and give them a call.

I dont know if this guy has called yet but if they had the date friday and he hadnt called by wednesday i'd question the interest level...that seems like a while...but who knows.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 10:32am
I wasn't the one who posted that he wasn't interested... ;o) Since she had mentioned she was calling him, I was curious to see what happened...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 10:40am
I know (: I was just too lazy to go back and respond to whoever said that,lol...i do that a lot

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