He's Still on Match While With Me??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2006
He's Still on Match While With Me??
16
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 10:18am

Well today I came across something that literally turned my stomach and had me tearing up at my desk while at work. Now keep in mind that I met my now boyfriend only about 2 weeks ago, and we only started dating just each other for the past week, so I know it's really new, but here's the thing. HE asked ME to be exclusive with him and "be his girl". I said yes. We met on match, so we went on match together and deactivated our profiles together. Keep in mind, de-activating does not mean people can't see you. It just means unless you start paying again, you can't email or contact anyone back. You can just log into your account and see who's looked at you or emailed you.

Anyway, I went onto match because I know last time I cancelled they didn't really cancel me out and they kept charging me, so I wanted to check my profile. I did this yesterday, and I don't know why, but my profile still said "active within 24 hours". I was kind of upset at this because I really wasn't active within the last 24 hours. So I decided to go over and check out my man's profile after that. His said the same thing, but I didn't worry about it because mine did too. So this morning I went back in to look, and mine said "active within 3 days". I looked at his and it said "active within 24 hours". This tells me that he's still going on there and checking out other options even though he asked me to be his girl. I don't know what to think now and I've been a mess all morning at work over this.

PLEASE HELP!!!!

Pages

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 5:44pm

WOAH!!! Are you SERIOUS???? WHY OH WHY are you even CONSIDERING seeing this guy again???

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!

Do you want a repeat of the last guy????

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 5:56pm
OK.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 1:29am

lol, Sheri, you crack me up! I agree, the whole swingers club thing is the icing on the cake to what seems like much too much drama (at the very least, potential complications) for only having known each other a couple weeks and four dates.

Jackia_... to each is own on the swingers club stuff, if that's what he's into, fine ... he can find someone who's into it, too. But, unless that's your type of thing too (which it doesn't sound like it is) ... RUN for the hills, girl! This is a mismatch in lifestyle choices, and it would end up causing nothing but strife for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2006
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 8:48am

Ok everyone, so here's the update on everything that happened yesterday.

Toward the end of the day at work (around 3:30pm for me) I get a text message from him that says "I will call you at 4 when you get out. PS - I'm not mad at you :)" - (I'm assuming he wrote this because he knew despite everything that happened and even though he might've done some things wrong, I know I was still wrong in the way I brought things up. I woke him up with a very nasty voicemail message and didn't even ASK about what happened with the whole match thing. I just struck right at him. That's something I need to work on, and everyone says that. That I jump the gun a lot.

Anyway, he called me at 4pm like he said he would and asked me if I would meet him for a little while before his next pickup, so I agreed. So we met up and talked. He apologized for being "crabby" when he hung up on me. I said he was a little more than crabby. So he said he got angry first thing in the morning and that he didn’t want to say anything else before waking up a little more. So we talked about some of the "issues" we've been having. He said he had cancelled his membership with match. He brought his laptop with him and offered to show me the status and confirmation number if I didn't believe him, and that if it would make me more comfortable he would hide his whole profile also like I did. He said he just didn't think it was that big a deal since we both cancelled together and I didn't hide mine until this problem came up either, but he said he would hide it today.

Then the whole swingers club thing came up. I told him that makes me uncomfortable and he said he would never bring it up again and that it was just something he did one time a few years back and wanted to know if I'd want to do that ever. My friends are telling me he might've just been trying to test the waters to see how far he could get me to go and what I was about, but he said he wouldn't bring it up again.

While we were talking in the car, his daughter's mother called and asked a question about him picking the daughter up and driving her to the airport this morning. Then she asked something about how we were doing and he made reference to "his girlfriend" (me) just to make me comfortable with him speaking to her. Its weird, it's like sometimes he seems to try to go out of his way to make me comfortable with situations, and sometimes he has attitude. I do kind of get the feeling now after our discussion that I might've been the one in the wrong here. I mean, granted, there are some things about him that aren't the greatest situation, but in the whole time we've known each other (which isn't very long), he's treated me good, looked out for me, been upfront about his situation and everyone involved in it, and I've never given him the benefit of the doubt about anything so I kind of feel like I've been unfair. I say that I jump the gun because here I was all day long yesterday thinking he hung up on me and we were done, and when I told him this he said to me "what are you crazy? I never said I didn't want to see you anymore!! And look how busy I've been all week - any free time I've had I've either spent with you or my daughters!!" (he has) I do just assume things.

So anyway, we decided to just continue and see how things go. We both apologized for the things we did wrong and we'll see how things go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 10:42am

Yes, SB, you are correct.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 1:02pm
Two weeks is a pretty short time to become exclusive, what do you really know about each other? So I would advise caution in any case. Why the rush on his part to make sure you were out of commission? But you can mention the problems you had with match while trying to deactivate and ask what his experience has been and open up the discussion that way.
,
,

Pages