Hey, BIG, complicated problem here....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Hey, BIG, complicated problem here....
4
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 1:08am
Hiya!!! My name is Jessica. Well, I have been seriously dating my boyfriend Joey, and we have decided that we want a future and to have kids together. Now we've been having a lack of communication for a month or so, and it's been making me really upset. I've seen him once over this duration (a month), and his friends see him at least twice a week. Now his excuse for our communication problem is, "We just don't have anything to talk about, that's all," and my reply is, "For an entire month?..." Also, his excuse for not spending as much time with me as I'd like is, "My friends are five minutes away from me. You're an hour and a half away, and you know my mother doesn't want me down there." (He is 18, and I am 17. He was held back, and he's going to be a senior this year, and we want to get married after college. I'm only a junior this year coming up because I enrolled in kindergarten a year late.) It's not spending time with his friends that bother me, it's just that, you'd think he'd wanna see me more since it's summer vacation, and this was a really rocky month for us, ya know? I love him, and I'd do anything for him, but... I think I'm beginning to see my best guy friend Sean as more than just a friend (neither of them know this). Ever since our sophomore year, Sean and I have gotten really close, and we can't get ENOUGH time to talk!!! And he doesn't seem to ignore me like Joey does, although Sean has ditched me for his friends a few times... But other than that, we get along like two peas in a pod. You'll always find us laughing, talking, and/or rough-housing. Whenever I talk to him, I feel actually connected to him, like he's a great listener 90% of the time, and he's angry at Joey for what he's putting me through lately. Also, Sean and I were talking about prom, and he says to me, "I probably won't have anyone to go with." I felt bad for him, so I asked, "If you don't have anybody to go with, and if it's okay with Joey, do you wanna go to prom with me?" To my surprise, he said yes. I talked it over with Joey, explained what was said, and he seems okay with it. I told Joe, "Look, if you don't want me to go with him, I won't." He replies, "No, it's okay. I trust you completely."

Now, there's two things wrong with this situation:

1) I've cheated on two ex-boyfriends (serious, I might add), and I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT want to cheat again... I recently had more than one chance to cheat on Joey, but I stopped myself after I had thought about it. I told him this, and he says, "Jess, thinking about it is one thing, but actually doing it is something different... I still love and look at you the same way."

and

2) How do I know if Sean is attracted to me or not? I mean, if I come out and say and/or ask about our feelings toward each other, he might not be. But if we are receptive to each other, that would create more pain and heartache for all three of us.

What do I do? I NEED HELP!!! LOL :-P Please, any, ANY advice would be greatly appreciated!!!

God Bless,

Jess :-P

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 5:06pm
Who cares what mom says? He's a legal adult, able to make his own decisions, right? Wrong. As long as he's living under his paren't roof, and their footing the bill, he's under their thumb. I think you both are rushing into things just a bit too fast. He isn't even out of school yet! Between his studies, and hanging out with his friends (because his mother doesn't want him near your place), his schedule is pretty much full. I think you're better off separating for a while until he's graduated and gotten a place on his own - away from his mother - where he's able to make his own decisions about his travels. I can't say I disagree with his mother, either... After all, you guys are too young to be left alone. Too young to be havin' young-uns! :o) besides, maybe one of you will figure out during this time of separation, if you really want this. If you both do, you both will wait for each other. If not, it wasn't meant to be, and God has bigger and better plans for the both of you. Chin up! Either way, you both will be ok! :o)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 1:24pm
I don't mean to be disrespectful or anything, I just wanted to tell you that both of our families are happy with the idea of us having a future. I call his Mom "Mommy", I have been for a while. She and I are very close, actually. We can talk for a good half an hour Lol :-P She doesn't want him to be around my neighborhood because I don't live where she lives, and she doesn't understand that I'm not in that bad of an area. We both want this, and everyone's more than okay with it, and we weren't even thinking about kids until at least 5 years or longer. He also doesn't want a wedding until we graduate college and whatnot. My two best friends are engaged, and frankly, I'm a bit jealous, but I still love Joey. Also, I want to know what to do about Sean. I've been thinking about it, and I thought to myself, "You know what? I can't have feelings for Sean, it's wrong!!! I have plans, a life with Joey in the future, and I DON'T wanna lose that at all!!!" So I guess I just answered my own question then Lol :-P Joe and I talk about it almost once a week that we can't wait until we have a million Joe the thirds, fourths, and fifths running around our one story rancher with a finished basement!!! Lol :-P So, that was just to clue everyone in, so take care!!!

God Bless,

Jess :-P

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 3:39pm
You are in a relationship-----who cares if Sean has feelings for you? If you have feelings for him--respect the other guy and dump him---THEN see where Sean stands. Sean is always there for you--you guys are great friends--while the other is running around with his guy friends- This is a no brainer to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 5:00pm
Plans can change - ever think of that? :o) If you're starting to have feelings for someone else as well as Joey, then you don't love either of them fully. When you're certain about someone, and have absolutely no doubts, and have no "feelings" for other guys, then you know you have yourself a keeper. (That's not to say they'll be the one you marry though). The other poster is correct - do Joey the courtesy of letting him go, if you feel like your emotions for this other guy are getting too strong. Or better yet, separate from the company of them both for a while. You don't want to dump Joey for this other guy, then end up resenting this other guy because you constantly wonder if you could've had a life with Joey, and blame the other guy because YOU thought with your heart instead of your head. (Or you just plain ol' find out this other guy's a jerk). SEPARATE, SEPARATE, SEPARATE yourself!