his ex is completely PSYCHO
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| Tue, 05-04-2004 - 11:28am |
At any rate, him and I have talked about this and he says not to worry about her, he will deal with it...but without going into major detail, she still sleeps around, doesn't seem to care about her kid, accuses him of lying to her about seeing someone (um ok they aren't together), demands money, and just generally is nasty to him. He puts up with it (to an extent, he doesn't give into her demands though) for the sake of being able to see his daughter...because she uses the child as leverage to get what she wants (how wrong is that?)
It's not that I'm worried as much as I don't know what to do when I meet this girl because I know I will eventually. Actually we've decided he might tell her this weekend. So far we've managed to keep our relationship a secret from her for now (though everyone else knows). She doesn't know about me yet simply because he knows she's gonna flip out. Not that he cares, he just doesn't want anymore drama than already exists. He just wants to be happy and live his life. Meanwhile, she's having an affair with her married boss and did I mention she's 32 years old? My 13 yr old sister is more mature than her!
So how do I handle this delicate situation? I love this guy and I'm not letting something like this drive me away, though it is upsetting. She just kind of freaks me out, not to mention pisses me off. And him and I see our relationship as long term, marriage eventually, we're so good for one another and so much in love. I know she's always going to be around because she's the mother of his daughter. I don't even want to see her, let alone talk to her and I know he'll try to make that a situation that won't happen...but its going to happen sometimes that we will be around one another.
Any advice? I'm 24 yrs old and have never been in this type of situation.

NOTHING in this situation is saying that YOU HAVE TO deal with her. You can simply say hello to her and then go on your merry way. YOUR BOYFRIEND is the one who has to deal with her considering their history and daughter. If I were you, I'd stay out of all this. That means you keep your comments to yourself. You stay out of their fights, etc.
Has it ever occurred to your boyfriend to seek custody of his daughter? That might be the best solution to all this. Good luck.
Thanks for your advice mhutch79, I do appreciate it...as for the name calling, I'm simply venting (by the way, he calls her "crazy"). I don't say these things to him and I would never say them to her. But I have to vent someway, you know? I mean that's how I deal with emotions. I figured on here would be a safe place to share my anger and frustration. He talks to me about what she says to get it out of his system and of course there is some anger I'm going to feel in regards to how she treats him, I mean wouldn't you feel the same way? When you love somebody, you have an automatic desire to defend them from pain and nasty things in life. I don't get involved in their fights and I don't plan on it, I just want to do what is right, that's all.
Also if she isn’t providing a basic upbringing for the child your boyfriend might consider going for primary custody of the child. Although it’s often hard to get primary custody when you are a man, it can be done. My friend’s husband did because he proved that his ex-wife didn’t have a bed for his son, he was providing her child support and she was living where she worked, she would sleep on the couch and the kids on the floor. So he was granted custody and she pays him child support.
I would go through the courts for everything. If he is paying child support and she is withholding his visitation because he doesn’t jump when she says too etc. If he has in court documents that he’s allowed to see the child on xx amount of days etc. and if the mother isn’t following that, he can take her back to court for disobeying a court order. My ex’s brother had to do this. He was allowed to have his son, 2 times a year during vacations as long as he gave her a month’s notice. So he would and the mother would say “That’s the same week we are going away” That went on for several years and it was obvious it was done on purpose, I mean how coincidental that for the past 3 years, she’s picked the same weeks to go on vacation.
If he wants primary custody than he needs to start documenting dates and “reasons” the ex says for withholding visitation with the child, the more evidence he can have to back up the allegations the better off.