His ex filed a restraining order (sorry, a little wordy for the sake of the full picture)
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|Sun, 04-14-2013 - 7:12pm|
I’m dating a man whom I reconnected with last year. We met several years ago and he was upfront about a having a young daughter. On our first outing, either he or I mentioned his daughter (it was so long ago, I honestly can’t remember the convo verbatim). But I do remember that he told me that he had been married to the mother, it was shotgun wedding and a disaster. Fast forward to when we reconnected and started dating seriously. When the topic of the mother came up again, he described her as snobbish/shallow and said that they wouldn’t have gotten married had it not been for his daughter (they divorced after a year). He was again upfront about when he has his daughter and spends time with her. A month or so later, he called me late at night because he couldn’t go to sleep, and he told me he would be in family court the next day. I let him vent, in which he said she was being vindictive because he petitioned to adjust his child support based on his decreased earnings. I told him that I didn’t know his ex so I wasn’t going to badmouth her, and that at the end of the day, their daughter is the priority. The next day he left me a message and I called him back during my lunch break. He told me all went well and that the judge dropped the filing for a restraining order. I told him I didn’t know a restraining order was involved (an alert was sounding in my mind) and he said he just found out about it that day himself. Later on, he was frustrated about her boyfriend apparently living with her and his daughter and picking the daughter up from school, as they agreed they wouldn’t have significant others spend the night when they have her. He said when he brought this up with his ex, she texted him saying he could speak with her lawyer. So he’s a very involved father, but needless to say things sounded volatile.
A while back, he invited me to have dinner at his house with him and his daughter, and I voiced my apprehension given what was going on in court. But I did go, and his daughter was one of the most polite young ladies I’ve ever met - she warmed up to me quite quickly. I got ready to go when he was putting her to bed, and he said he wanted us to just hang for a bit. I was wary, but he willingly paid for my cab ride home. I told him later I would gladly hang with them, but just won’t be at his house after her bed time.
A month or so ago, we were getting ready to meet each other, and he said he had to stop by his ex’s, as she needed him to talk with the daughter about lying about her grades. I said it was good for him to talk with his daughter, and that this was a long ways away from a restraining order. He said his ex is on a power trip and likes to feel in control, but that in reality she needed him. Just today, I stopped by his house to pick up some things. I knew this was his parenting weekend, so I didn’t plan to stay. He said he was on his way to meet his daughter and her mother to go for a bike ride and that they all do an activity together once a month. This confused the hell out of me. I can understand him stopping by to talk about her grades, but I don’t understand how someone goes from filing a restraining order to meeting up once a month. I said “well, let there be peace,” to which he replied something, but I didn’t hear it and didn’t ask him to repeat because I was somewhat shocked. I respect that they’re trying to keep a normal happy environment for their child, but I feel there’s a good deal of unanswered questions. So…..I plan to ask him my questions, given that he brought up all the information about his ex and I really feel he’d have questions if the tables were turned. I’m certainly not expecting him to stop these family outings, so I had thought about waiting until he brought his ex up again. But I’m thinking it’s best to air this out before too much time passes and more confusion possibly builds up. I'm in my 30s, and would like to be married and have kids one day, and when we reconnected, he said he wanted to start a family, so I feel like this is something to think about when entertaining thoughts of a future with someone.
Again, sorry for the wordiness, but feedback and responses are appreciated!