his ex's cheated, is he defective?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
his ex's cheated, is he defective?
3
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 4:15pm
would you date someone who has been cheated on in every past relationship. I'm falling for this guy who i've known for quite a long time, i've seen him in all of his relationships, and he seems like a great bf, but all of his relationships have ended b/c his gf's cheated on him. i know he's interested in me and i in him but i worry that b/c they cheated, that maybe he's not that great of a guy (oh i forget, he's my best friend so to me he's wonderful). his ex's don't have a reason for why they cheated, they just did. i don't know, would you date someone who's been cheated on numerously? and the fact he is my best friend makes me wonder if that's a good idea at all, i wouldn't want to lose that friendship if something were to go wrong. any advice would help. thanx
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 4:37pm
Are you serious? Do you really blame him for being used and abused? Many good guys have been cheated on and it's the girls who were defected. They took advantage of a good guy, because they saw him as vulnerable and easy to manipulate.

But, I don't blame you for being cautious. I would be weary of dating someone who was cheated on many not because of what he did in those relationships, but because how it has affected him. Some guys cheat because they have been cheated on. The last guy I tried to date had been cheated on by all of his old girlfriends and we didn't get to the first date before he accused that I would cheat on him because I at the time I was friends with an ex. I couldn't deal with constantly being accused like that.

I always fall for my best guy friends and the only one I still have is the one who refused to cross that line. I was trying to be friends with ex that ended the friendship yesterday and more than anything I wish that I could be friends with him. I wish I still had him to talk to. He was the only one I really felt comfortable to be myself with, so now I feel alone. So, if your friendship means a lot to you cherish it for what it is and don't try to make it more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:46am

I'd certainly have reservations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 12:04pm
It is possible that the problem is him and not his cheating GFs. Perhaps, this guy might have settled for less, not being careful in knowing who he was dating. Cheaters cheat because they can and because they want to, there is no other valid reason. I'd inquire about how this man's character is because he may be showing a side as a friend and another as a boyfriend.