His female friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
His female friends
13
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 9:28pm
My boyfriend has a lot of female friends (he has a few male friends but they are all married and mostly spend time with their wives). He says they all abandoned him since he is the last single one of his crew left. Most of his female friends are single or dating someone and he says they confide in him for male advice. The other day I had a Girlz Night out (nothing wild). My boyfriend said he may stay home that night. The next day he told me that he ended up meeting up with one of his females friends for appetizers at a restaurant. It had to be late because he said the food was half price and they usually do that special after 10PM. My boyfriend said she had just gotten back from vacation, they hadn't seen each other in awhile, and she was having relationship issues and wanted to talk. This is not the first time he has done this. (Whenever I have a Girlz Night, he seems to conveniently get in contact with one of his female friends.) This really makes me angry. I never go out with my guy friends alone (I go in a group or something). I don't like him going out with his female friends alone. I trust him but it still leaves room for temptation, especially when his female friends are usually depressed from an argument with their boyfriend or something. I do like having a Girlz Night every now and then and I don't mind if my boyfriend hangs with his guy friends while I am out with my girl friends. The problem is he doesn't really have any guy friends. If I ask him not to hang with his females friends when I am out with my girl friends, he probably would start getting upset when I go out with my girlz. What should I do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 11:47pm

Well, your BF's need to be needed is gonna get him into trouble one day. When a person doesn't "need" to be needed and just is there for those who would be there for him...then that person's life is improved greatly and his pearls are not cast before swine any longer.

If his friends want to meet you so bad, then I suggest that the next time they need a shoulder to cry on they should go over his house, with YOU there and this way they will have both of you there to listen to their woes. If he makes this a habit, then we'll see how much longer they call him to weep.

They probably did not snatch him up because they like him where he is...someone to go to when there is no one else left to go to. Not a compliment for him. You may want to find out if he slept with any of them.

Everyone has enemies, they just don't make themselves apparent all the time. I didn't think I had enemies, and lo and behold they pop up at the most inconvenient times.

I was friends with a girl once who met a guy on the bus to work. He was not her type, but...he did serve a purpose...to make her BF jealous. Unfortunately she introduced him to all of her friends and he took a liking to one of her friends and then WE married 4 years later. She did not appreciate the loss of her "friend" because who was going to make her BF jealous? And she did attempt to make trouble for us. It was the waste of a friendship between me and her, but anyone that unstable (I view what she did as unstable behavior) is not someone I want as a friend..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 7:52pm
Update..he had another late night dinner with a friend. She invited him over to her place. He actually came out and told me when he was on the phone with me that he was heading over to her place. Are these red flags or what?!! He said he doesn't mind if I go out with guy friends as long as he gets to meet them. I may just keep a few of them on standby.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 12:56am
I'm getting angry and he isn't even my BF. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I don't think he is even worth the effort in rounding up some guy friends to make him understand how he made you feel or jealous. I know you probably don't want to hear this but, he qualifies for "kick him to the curb" due to his overall lack of respect for you, your feelings and your relationship with him. If it was me he was talking to on the phone, it would be the last time he speaks to me.

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