Is his heart really in it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Is his heart really in it?
1
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 12:13pm
Im currently living with most high maintenance man I have ever met. Besides the fact that I love him with all my heart he is packing a lot of baggage. To add fire to the mix we have a child together. He is constantly bringing up what he did wrong in past relationships. There is not a day that goes by that he does not think about his ex. and she is 3000 miles away. I appreciate the fact that he is communicating with me but what about our future? I sometimes feel like his heart is still broken from the past and he is really struggling to get over it. Do I sit by and support him while he figures out what he wants? I feel like Im a temporary replacement that will get him by until he decides what he really desires. He is a great dad and treats me well. We are on the same page as far as how to raise our child. However, I think sometimes that I am the one with the issues. I want everything to be perfect. No baggage. However, he cannot even tell me that WE have a future together. He will always be there for our daughter. Im just concerned about us, the past and the future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 12:48pm

Hindsight being 20/20 it is always good to get the baggage out of the way before you decide to have kids.

Now he is feeling obligated to be with your because of the child rather than making a clear decision that you are what he wants. Since he cannot tell you that the two of you have a future together, I bet this is causing a lot of stress for you. You can't wait around indefinitely for this guy to make a decision.

So I would suggest some couples counseling, not necessarily to fix what is wrong but to help him make a decision one way or the other. I'm sort of wondering if he is bring up his ex to sort of punish you somehow. Most men know perfectly well that the last thing a woman wants to hear is how much he pines for an ex.