His mood has changed.....worried

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2007
His mood has changed.....worried
7
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 8:30pm

I have been dating this guy for over 2 months. But recently I have been getting worried that something will happen to our relationship and he will dump me, cheat on me or something else.

The reason why I have been thinking this, I think, is because in my past 2 relationships they have both got out of recent relationships and they both cheated on me with their ex's and got back together with them.

This boyfriend I have got out of a relationship about 3 months before we started dating and they dated for over a year.

He still talks to his ex, and it used to not bother me but just because of my past it now really bothers me. He told me that if I ever wanted to see the text messages they send back and fourth I can. I just told him that I didnt want to. The reason why I didnt is because I feel like i am invading his privacy.

He usually sends me cute texts during the day. But lately, he has been really busy at work, working over 12 hour days. And I have not recieved any texts from him and he just doesnt seem like himself. Just simple things like cuddling, and things you do when u first start dating he has not done for the past couple of days.

What I am wondering if I should be worried that he is missing his ex and wanting to go back to her OR is he just actually tired and thats how guys are? or what I am so confused and I am worrying myself sick. I just cant get over what happened in the past and need help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 11:01pm

Well, one fact that you post is that your current BF is fresh out of a relationship. He started dating you after three months of his break up. You've only dated two months and you now feel that his mood changes. It seems that your pattern of dating men fresh out of relationships could be something that IS indeed affecting your current affairs.

If this current BF has offered to show you is textx to his ex, why not take it? Would that alleviate in pasr the insecurities you have? Has he given you any type of cause to make you think that he's going back to his ex? Your relationship is still young, 2 months, and in two months you cannot get the entire picture on how a person's character is. If you feel that uneasy the easyiest way to cure it is to ask him directly what the status of your relationship is and how he feels about you two. Feeling paranoid about something that may not happen could get to your nerves and make existance a burden.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 9:56am
lightandbright has a point, maybe date guys who have been broken up with their exes for a while. Alot of women are experiencing, for some reason...men who stay in touch with exes, see them and lie about it and then have their phone messages and texts reviewed by the girlfriends. Dr. Phil had a couple on like that yesterday. The guy lied about seeing the ex and then the girlfriend, being hurt, started to look at messages, texts, counting condoms, etc. I don't know why she just didn't break up with him. He lied twice and now he made a fool out of her on national tv, like she has a problem. He knew how to unscrew her mind. Here he is stroking her back while she is crying and Dr. Phil gave her good advice, "why not leave?" You see, by you stating "yes" to examining his messages, he makes sure to make you look like a loon. It seems to be catching on all around the country, the latest way guys get to hurt women and feel real strong and macho, because obviously they are horrible people with small screwed up minds. You should have seen the acting job on that guy yesterday. Ohhhh, he looked so concerned and helpless to help his girlfriend - ugh! What a con man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2007
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 6:07pm

So my BF and I have been dating 3 months now. I found out exactly why his mood has changed... here is the story:

He told me a couple of days ago that the reason why he was acting weird was because his ex was texting him all that week and wanting to get back with him. He talked to one of my good friends about it and he told her how he was confuse, so she gave him advice. He talked to his ex personally and told her that he was happy with me and that he wants to be with me.

He told me that he did see her and they did talk but nothing did happen, and he wanted to be with me. He told me the whole story. And now he is even back to his normal self.

But now there is me and I still have in the back of my mind those worrying thoughts. But the whole point is...if I was in his shoes I would probably also be confused and not know what to do. But he made his decision to be with me. So should I be happy or should I still be worried, or....

When I am with him, he shows me of course he wants to be with me so I am so happy when I am with him. But when I am not around him I some times have those worried thoughts, is that normal and those thoughts will pass or what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 8:43pm

"But when I am not around him I some times have those worried thoughts, is that normal and those thoughts will pass or what?"

About the ex, I would just go with what he told you, that he told her that he is happy with you. But, if things should go bad between the two of you, then eventually he might bounce back to this ex.

The fact that he was confused...is reason to be concerned because it should have been a no-brainer. It would have been very easy to say, "sorry, I'm with a new girl now and I really like her, so thank you, but I'm not interested." So I'm not going to sugarcoat that for you.

The other thing that would concern me is why did he go to a friend of YOURS instead of to his sister, cousin, mother or any other female in his family or a guy friend? Did this friend of yours tell you anything about this?

If I was in your situation I would sit tight for just a bit and see how things evolve with this relationship. I would keep my eye on this friend of yours because she should have told him (if she really was your friend) that it would be more appropriate for him to talk about his "confusion" with one of his friends. So I question her friendship. By telling your friend that he was confused as to what to do with a returning ex, it diminished your reputation with this friend and probably put a question mark in her head as to exactly "how available is this guy?" Who knows who this friend of yours told in your inner circle. He discussed a private issue within YOUR circle of friends. If it was me, I'd make sure to let him know that what he did was not cool.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2007
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 8:56pm
I guess I should be more clear...this friend is a mutal friend between us. And she realized he was not himself so she ask him if he was planning on dumping me.... and he said noo where did that idea come from. And then thats when he told her. But this friend is a friend of his and mine
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 2:58pm

I agree. Is jealousy a pattern for you, has he given you reason for doubts? What have your past relationships been like?


His offering to show the text is certainly a good sign. Continuing to need "proof" will not help either the relationship or your state of mind.

,
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 12:03pm
Thanks for clearing that up. Who became friends with her first? In your situation you probably feel that she helped you. I happen to find these types of people annoying because they don't understand boundaries. She may be "friends" with the two of you, but, if it were me, I would prefer her to keep her nose out of my business with my BF and not play referee and if she had something to say, to say it to me. She may have meant well, but her behavior is inappropriate. But then again, it seems no one understands boundaries and limits anymore for an individual or a couple.