his mother...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2007
his mother...
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 1:19pm

I don't really know where to begin here but I'll try to keep it short.

My bf and I have been together for about a year and a half now, and I have never met his mother. Basically she refuses to meet me! I have met the rest of his family and we get along great. I feel a bit sorry for his mum because I know she has some issues which she has not resolved and this is stopping her from forming any new relationships with people (so she hasn't made any friends, doesn't work, etc).

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be her best friend or anything. I just want to meet the mother of the person I love so much and I want to feel accepted by her. It really plays with my mind sometimes. I am over at their house very often, but she will always be in the other side of the house (which I am not allowed to go in - & neither is anyone else who isn't immediate family). So she will have to buzz my bf on the phone when she needs something etc.

I have spoken to her maybe a few times over the phone (which is something I guess). One particular phone call, she actually spoke to me for quite a while (a while being maybe a few minutes) and made small talk which I thought was really nice, so I mentioned to her that it would be nice to meet up with her one day...she just started laughing at my comment (possibly nervously) and said to me 'you don't know how my life is...you don't know how things are'. I was pretty shocked, as it sounded mean. I didn't really know what to say, so I just cut the conversation short and said bye (politely, not in a rude way). That was maybe six months ago and I have not spoken to her since (she doesn't answer the phone anymore!).

Every time my bf tries to speak to her seriously about the situation she just ignores him, changes the subject and acts very immature. (Even his grandmother has asked her why she doesn't want to meet me and she just ignored her).

We have not tried to push her in any way, as I understand this will take time for her to get used to, but it has been a year and a half and nothing has changed (i am my boyfriends first girlfriend so she has not had to deal with this before).

It makes things really hard sometimes because we can't spend Christmas, special occassions etc. together because of his mum. My bf has said to me that if I was to ever turn up some place where I knew he & his mum would be, that she would just run away and hide until I leave.

We both know she needs to get counselling to help her sort through her problems, but she doesn't seem to want to help herself, so we don't know what to do. She has been like this for a very long time.

We really love each other and want a future together, and this situation is proving to be pretty stressful.

(btw, the reason why this is really affecting me right now is the fact that I was intending on going over to his house to spend some time together tonight and he's told me I can't come over because he has to pick up his mum - and obviously I can't be there! This has happened many times).

Does anyone have any advice? or been in a similar situation??