His parents "keep him busy"
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| Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:00pm |
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message #: 19448.1
from: junglepunk215
date: 11:56 am
replies: 1
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I posted this on another board seeking advice as well!
I have been seeing this wonderful guy for 2 years now, and his biggest fault is letting people walk all over him. He will drop everything to go fix someone's car that he hasn't heard from in a year. Anyway, the biggest problem with this is his own parents. He does everything for them, but it's starting to become a problem. I live a little far away, and every time I drive up there to see him, they send him on errands and make him do housework the entire time, while I sit by myself. It's starting to get ridiculous.
For example, this Sunday I went up there to take him out for his birthday, and because I was away and hadn't seen him in 3 weeks. His dad asked him to quickly help him with something, which I was okay with. TWO HOURS later, he was still in the backyard BUILDING A SHED!! I sat and watched TV alone inside. He knows I get upset about this, but he feels like they're his parents, and since he still ives there, that he should do what they ask him. It happens every single time I go up there and it's really becoming a problem! What should I do?? Help!

Also, is there any way that maybe you could pitch in sometimes to help the *job* get done faster and that way you're A) getting to spend time together and B) will be able to just hang out longer.
And may I ask how old he is?
Alison
I certainly can see about the getting a ride, but is there no way that he can take a bus and therefore not have to rely on his parents?
I think he's going to have to change how he responds to their requests, that's all. Instead of jumping for them, if you are over- or if he's doing anything for himself at all- and they ask him for some time, he should be a little more assertive. Not to say that he shouldn't help them out, but really, I think he can tell them that they can wait. If he's made plans with you and they suddenly HAVE to have a shed built, they can wait 3 hours. (Or hire someone). So encourage him to just change the response time to them and see how it goes.
But I do empathize with how you're feeling. My ex and I would drive an hour and a half to visit his parents and he would end up doing all this work around their house and yard. Yet they had a son living at home, but he wouldn't lift a finger!!
Alison
His family are priority over you. You realize this right?
In his defense, I think he does owe them if he lives at home with them, if I lived at home with my folks I would be required to help out, I am required to help when we have family parties even though I don't live there. They are my parents so I help.
If everytime you have plans his parents ask him to do something. Then maybe he needs to take a cab or a bus to your house rather than you picking him up.
Unfortunately things will probably not change. You say he's done this all along, he knows it bothers you and yet he continues to prioritize them. So I would change YOUR response. Say you have plans to go see a movie at 7 pm. If he goes out back to help dad, at 6 pm yell out the back and say "I'm heading to the movies now it's 6 pm, I'll call you later"
You continue to placate him and wait around for him. DO NOT DO IT!!! If you have plans to go somewhere and if you are sitting around for hours, then stop sitting around for hours, pick up your stuff and go home or leave. It's the only way he's going to get that it bothers you this much, everything else is just whining.