Home versus Friendship

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Home versus Friendship
5
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 2:59pm
About a year ago I went out on a couple of dates with a really nice guy. In the conversations that we had on one of our dates, he mentioned that he was looking for a tenant for an apartment he need to rent. At the time I couldn't think of anyone that was looking for an apartment. After two dates we didn't really keep in touch. A month later, I was in a middle of a dilema and I needed to find an apartment ASAP. I remembered about the apartment that my date had mentioned to me and really thought it over and called him to see if the apartment was still availible and it was. So he offered me the apartment and lowered the price. (Not sure why he lowered the price, but that was nice of him.) Before I took the apartment I weighed out all the pros and cons and my final decision was to take a chance and take the apartment. Because we had dated in the past, I wanted to make things clear with him that our relationship was going to be strictly business. It has been a year since I have been living in the apartment he offered me and our relationship has remained:landlord-tenant. During this year, I have gotten to know what kind of person he is and now I would like to take this relationship to a personal level, a friendship. Since it has been a year that I am living in the apartment, I sent him an email asking him how long was he planning to rent the apartment to me so that way I know ahead of time if I should make the proper arrangements to move. He replied to me and told me that I can stay as long as I want, and that he doesn't want me to move. That happened last week. Usually I send him jokes and other forwarded stuff, but the other day after a joke I sent him, he emailed a personal email, where prior to that email, all the emails has been all business or jokes. I would like for us to continue on a friendship, level but I am not quite sure if I should tell him and if I should, what to tell him without ruining our business relationship. Does anyone have any suggestions on this matter? I would appreciate some suggestions. Thank you.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 3:51pm
Before you do ANYTHING about taking this to a different level, get your your rental agreement put in writing (it sounds like you don't have a lease). That way, you are protected in case something develops between you and then goes south. At a *minimum*, find out what protections your local law offers to tenants who do not have leases.

Once that's done, then I'd *call* him (not email) and ask him if he'd be available to have lunch with you on X or Y date. If he accepts, then bring up the fact that you've enjoyed getting to know each other over the past year and that you have changed your mind about the possibility of dating him. Then leave it up to him to take that huge opening and run with it. If he doesn't, you'll know he isn't interested in you as more than a friend.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 7:26pm
Hi beutifulcolors!

If friendship is what you are interested in, then I think you should go ahead and be a friend to him. Guys do a lot of cooking, so ask him for a recipe or make too much of something and ask him if he wants some of it. I cook and share recipes with my friends often. I can handle the criticism LOL

The decision to be his friend is an easy one, unless you are in your heart aiming for more. If dating is your interest, then you should be prepared to relocate if your romance flops, because you will want to move and have a new beginning. Always have a plan B, especially if you wind up in a bad position renting from and ex.

It is not my intention to be negative, so please don't take it that way...just recommending a second plan of action, so that you can relax and enjoy the experience of getting to know this guy without feeling pinched by some kind of power imbalance.

As a single mom dating, I have taken plenty of chances, but I throw out a huge safety net in case things go wrong, because I have had full responsiblity of my fabulous kids. But even without kids...I will always recommend a plan b, plan C LOL

You sound like a planning type of person too. I would take the chance on the friendship...can't have too many of those!!

Have fun!

lightship
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 9:10am
Thank you lightship for your advice it was very helpful. It's not going to be easy to become friends with my landlord, because we both know we are attracted to each other and both of the times we went on our dates we made out. So it's a little bit hard to become friends with this gentle man and not think of the times we went out. Everytime we see each other we can't have a straight face, so that's why I only communicate to him through email. This feeling of wanting more with this gentle man has grown stronger because the last couple of weeks we have been running into each other on my way to work. Yes I have thought of moving to start a new level of relationship with him, but I don't want make any major decisions for something that may not even work or happen. What I have decide is to just let things go with the flow and see what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 9:40am
How come you didnt date after the 2 dates?

Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 10:49am
I can't say for sure what happened. And why we didn't go out after our second date. All I know is that I wanted us to go to this local bar we both liked and knew on a weekday but he turned me down. I was a bit upset about that and I stepped back.

The way we met was on a website, it was not a dating service. I wasn't too fond of the website, so a week later after our second date I deleted my profile. Before I deleted myself, I told him and I said that if he wanted to contact me that he can email me on my personal email or call me. He asked me if he had done something to make me take myself profile off and I assured him that it wasn't the reason. I don't remember if we talked after that, but what i do remember is that I called him about a month later asking him if his apartment was still availible. And that's when I told him I just wanted a business relationship with him. I was looking out for myself and I didn't want to cause any problems for either of us. I didn't want him to think that i was after him or stalking him or something because I wasn't. That's why I made it clear to him that our relationship was strictly business. But now that I have gotten to know him, I want us to be friends.

Having a home is important to me and I don't want to lose my home over a friendship that may not work out. That's why I'm very cautious on this matter.