honesty

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
honesty
2
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 2:57pm
I am 48 and have been divorced for 6 years. I have not dated much and would like to correct that! My question is.....I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and had a double mastectomy with reconstruction. I have completed chemo and am cancer free. At what point do I tell a man about this? I don't want to scare someone off, but I don't want to deceive him either. Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
In reply to: csb480
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 4:43pm
When the time comes and you meet a nice man, someone you feel really comfortable with, I would go ahead and tell him. If he truly cares for you it won't matter to him. In fact, he will probably really appreciate the fact that you opened up to him. You can't hide who you are, you had cancer, you got treatment and are now cancer free. You are a pretty strong woman if you ask me. A man will find that alone, attractive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: csb480
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 5:49pm
I haven't personally been in your situation, so all I can offer is my opinion. My feeling is, you aren't being "dishonest" about anything, if you choose not to tell a man that you had cancer and an operation for it. Nor are you being deceptive. He should want you for you.

Also, if you do feel the need to discuss it, don't let it be the first thing you tell a new person. Mainly because, I believe its always a bad idea to reveal too much about yourself (good or bad) early on in dating. (Premature emotional intimacy can kill a potential relationship just as much as premature sexual intimacy).

My aunt gave me some advice once about dating. She said "if you tell a man everything about yourself on the first date, he will never go out with you again".