hopelessly confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2006
hopelessly confused
3
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 8:53pm
Ok this may take awhile. I have been in a LONG term long distance affair with a man whom I truly adore. We met 9 yrs ago online and began chatting, instantly beginning a friendship. He is married, I am married, lets just get that out of the way. At first we just talked online, then it moved to the occasional phone call, then the phone calls became more intense over time. As the phone calls became more intense we talked of what would happen if we ever "met" but always said that we knew that would never happen. Well it did happen finally 3 yrs ago to be exact we did meet for the first time and spent a weekend together. It was wonderful, he was all I expected and more. When we parted after that weekend things cooled way down for a couple of months, then it picked back up and actually became even more intense, then we started planning to meet again the next year, which we did and again heaven on earth, then again when we parted he back off hardly any contact for about 3 months and then back to where we dropped off but quickly got even more intense, well long story short i just returned from our third meeting and this time after i left i did get a voice mail from him telling me he just wanted to say goodbye again and thank you for a wonderful time, well its been almost a week since we did say goodbye and i havent heard a word, no email or anything, I hate this and parts of me wants to just walk away but then the rest of me cant bear the thought of not having him in my life, im just so very confused but yes i do care deeply for this man , he has told me he adores me (never "loves me" ) and i have also told him that i do adore him as well, i just dont understand why he backs off so drastically when we part, it scares me , and i feel so lost , am i just totally insane or what..............please help me make sense of this all.........
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 10:09pm

There are other boards on here for people like you who are having affairs. You'd be better off posting there, as this board is for people who are dating -- and you are definitely not dating.

Where does your husband fit into this equation? In my opinion you need to deal with your marriage first before you can deal with another man. If you are no longer happy, divorce is available to you. Get divorced and then worry about this or another guy. If you don't want to get divorced, then you need to forget about this other man and focus on your marriage.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 10:29pm
Maybe if you think about it long enough, you will realize that there is a simple explantion for his backing off....its called....., GUILT!!! This is a married man and your a married woman. Innocent people will get hurt in this and I dont mean you both; how about your spouses and any children???
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 10:49pm
It is wrong to date a married man and it's wrong to date someone else when you are married. I suggest you go on the "ending and affair" board and read about all the other people's tales of woe. No one wins in an adultrous relationship. The excitment is only due to the naughtiness of the affair. If you and this guy were both single, I doubt you'd be together.

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