Hot and Cold

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
Hot and Cold
2
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 10:51am

Hello everyone!

I am really struggling with a decision that I have to make and I would love to have some more input on it.

I recently started dating this guy I met online about 2 months ago. At first we really hit it off. I liked his ambition to follow his dreams and his funny sarcasm. But he was away at school finishing up his last semester and I was at home working about 2 hours away. He would come home to visit me on the weekends or I would go there and it was a lot of fun. But over time, not even that long, little things about him already have started to bother me. And now he will be graduating in 3 weeks and moving back home to where I am. And he wants to live with me. Usually if I was really into somebody I would be realyl excited about this but for some reason I'm not. He's a great guy and I really can't find anything wrong with him. He treats me really good... I guess thats why this is so hard for me. I am looking for the love of my life the one that sweeps me off my feet forever and I just keep finding myself feeling ambivilant toward this guy. When I see him we have a good time but when I don't I start thinking about all the things that just aren't exactly what I pictured. I worry that I am with him only because I like to have a boyfriend and I love the security of it all. Plus he is willing to move away, something that I have always wanted to do but didn't want to go alone. I think I know in my heart what I need to do but I also know he is going to be very upset. He has a fear of rejection and has been rejected a few times in the past. Now I have no idea to bring this up... especially with his graduation and events coming up so soon. I don't want to ruin anything for him... I don't want to hurt him. I like him a lot I'm just not SURE he's the one for me. :o( This makes my stomach upset just to think about it... guilt is not a good reason to stay with someone either. I don't know what to do! Any suggestions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: tigarlily22
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 12:57pm

Little things will always bother you. I'm sure that there are little things that bother him about you. Only you know if the things that bother you are deal breakers. When one grows to love someone the little things don't even compare to the bigger things about how great the person is - everything is in balance and in perspective.

If you have a strong feeling that you are with him for the wrong reasons, then that is the area to focus on,not the little things - they may just be a distraction from a bigger issue.

Everyone is different when it comes to falling in love. I have never fell in love at first sight. Love has kind of snuck up on me in the past but it wasn't instantaneous. No one has ever swept me off my feet either. For some that feeling is important, for others not.

Maybe you really want to experience that sweeping off the feet feeling - and no one has done for you yet. Maybe it's the stuff that fairy tales are made of and most often, though not completely unheard of, it's hype. Some people are in love with falling in love.

The old adage "a good man is hard to find" is very true. I don't envy your position, it is a difficult decision.

An idea: why don't you wait to make the decision until you see him again face to face? This way your gut will tell you what to do. Right now your mind is working overtime on it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: tigarlily22
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 2:06pm

Well, how about instead of him moving in with you (which in itself is very alarming when you've known each other only two months and not spent significant time together because it's been long distance) he moves into his own place and you continue dating while being in the same city?

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