How to approach this

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
How to approach this
6
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 8:21pm

Okay, have been dating this guy and things had been going really well the last couple weeks, but he has reverted back into some "cave" things where he will want to get together, will tell me he will call and or be at my place by such n such time - and then don't hear from him...so after waiting around for awhile and worried what could have happened...i text him first to see whats up...he will go on with some reason for having not called - sick, roomate issue etc...

Now i get things happen, but how do I approach him and explain that a call, txt, or IM would be nice if plans change an he can't call, come over, or whatever.

I don't want to sound like i am being controlling, but heck, what if i hadn't called? Was i to just wait around until he realized that gee better call me...I mean my time is valuable too and if he can't get together, at least give me a chance to make other plans....

i don't want to be a female dog about this, but i try to respect his time and would like that returned

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 8:33pm

Wow, I really don't consider myself to be a female dog, but he would have gotten an earful from me by now, that's for sure!!! Not in a mean, yelling way, but the first time it happened, I would have explained to him that I do understand that plans can change, but if he makes plans with me, it's disrespectful of my time to not let me know in advance that they have changed.

After the 2nd time, I would have stopped seeing him, unless he had a REALLY good excuse (like, he was in a coma!) and he apologized profusely.

By tolerating it more than a few times, he may feel you've given him permission to treat you this way. So if this isn't acceptable to you, you need to say something NOW.

Sheri

Avatar for wildlucky4me
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 8:37pm

I hate that... and I'd just tell him that you'd appreciate a quick call if his plans change so that A. you don't worry that something has happened to him... and B. so that you have the opportunity to make alternate plans... and YES, he needs to know that you have a life and plans past waiting around for him ;-)

Karen ~ wildlucky4me  

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 8:30am

This isn't a "cave" thing, it is a "rude and inconsiderate" thing.

Telling this man exactly what you have told us here would not controlling or being a "female dog" (whatever that means). Tell him this isn't okay, and if he continues you need to make other plans and not wait around for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 11:37pm

You're not a "female dog." He's being unforgivably rude and inconsiderate. Your time is just as valuable as his and he's not respecting it or you. Is this really the type of guy you want to give your energy to? He owes you to make a plan and keep it, or else let you know he can't in enough time so you can make alternate plans. If he doesn't get this he;s not worth your time. However you have to realize that you deserve respect.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 7:40am
He is being very rude saying he will be somewhere and then making you wait and wait and not even calling or showing up. You have every right to text him or call him if he is more than 10 minutes late. If he gives you grief over it then I think it is a matter of values (as you said, his time is valuable, yours is NOT ---to him) and you are not compatible. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 8:39am

Total agreement with what everyone else has said.

Cheryl