How to break up when living together

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
How to break up when living together
5
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:31pm
ok, I have been going out with this guy for about 2 years now. We got engaged about 6 months ago. He has a bad temper and I am scared of him. He is very posessive of me and believes I am "the one." When we first got engaged I thought being with him was what I wanted. Then my grandfather died about 3 weeks ago. I moved some of my stuff out becaause I needed to help my mom andmy grandmother through it and i needed to be with my family. So right now I am not currently living with the guy. I love his family like they were my own, and i care about this guy, I just dont love him like i used to. I have tried to break it off with him 2 other times but he got really mad so I backed off. My question is how can I break it off with him without backing down?? Please help!! I cant live like this anymore
Avatar for happychick01
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 1:04pm











I would break up with the guy with family or friends around this way in case he does get mad at you - you can stand firm with your decison its also to be safe in case he tries to harm you - you should be with a guy out of love not fear and if this guy is treating you like that make sure your honset with him and make sure someone is with you so you can stay safe!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 1:08pm
I would move all your things out at a time when he is not home, and then break up with him after you are all moved out. It will make it easier to stick to. Enlist the aid of friends and family to help you out during this time. Also, don't try to be friends with him, or even have any contact at all with him while you adjust to life with your wonderful, single self. It's HARD, *very* HARD - but you can do it!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 12:35pm
Breaking up when you live together is a tricky thing. I did this myself last summer. I, too, was going through a time when I needed to be close to my family for support and help. My grandmother had passed away after an exhausting month in the hospital battling late stages of lupus. My fiancee actually came to the hospital the night we took off her life support to yell at me for not coming home. I dumped him two days later. (Sigh) I digress...

So, I know what you're dealing with. One very delicate situation. I would agree with the other posters that the best way to move out is discreetly in this case. Make sure you get all of your things (every last one) in one trip when he's not home. Take whoever you need to make sure you can do this, if you don't you may never get back what you leave behind. After you have recovered your belongings, call him or write him a letter to seal the break up.

It seems like a long road, but it gets shorter as you get furtehr down it. I promise.

Ivy

georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:32am
Thanks for all your help. I still havent had enough courage to break up with him yet though. Not sure though about going to the house and packing all my things when he is not there though. If he came home to find all my stuff was gone and a letter or something, he would come to my parents house and no telling what would happen. My parents do not like him at all. Everytime they hear his name they get mad. So i dont know about that one. I will figure something out I guess. It will only get worse before it gets better right?? Well thank you for all your help. I really appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 3:13pm
I know how hard it is, Jenn. When you get ready to end it, tell your parents what your plans are so they are prepared. They're your family and they will help you get out of this (with renewed vigor since they happen to hate this guy). AHave the phone handy to call the police if he causes any trouble. Be strong. You deserve to be happy. Remember that.

Sending you E-hugs,

Ivy

georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com