How can I get my date to invite me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
How can I get my date to invite me?
4
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 2:08pm
I have been in a non committed relationship for 1 1/2 years. The man I am in love with is a doctor and is in the process of setting up his practice. He was in school when we met. Because of his situation, he feels that he can't have a serious relationship, but we see each other at least once a week.

I have tried to "break it off" since he has major commitment issues, but every time I do he "reels me back in." I love him so much that I can't say no.

His best friend is getting married in August. He is going to be the best man and he was telling me about it yesterday. The wedding will be in Hawaii. I would LOVE to go along, but I know that if he invites me, it'll be last minute... Is there any way I can respectfully ask him to bring me as his date without scaring him off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 3:30pm
You cannot scare away someone who thinks you're the right woman for him, not by bringing up tough issues, not by having sex or not having sex, not by saying ILY, etc. Someone who gets scared away is not the right person for you. Period. For whatever reason, it doesn't matter. No, you cannot "get him" to invite you if he doesn't want to. If you want to ask him to find out if he plans to, that's up to you.

You didn't ask for opinions on your situation, but I hope you don't mind if I give mine anyway. I hate to see women settling for less than they need and deserve, that's all. If you're looking for a committed, serious relationship, why are you investing so much time in a man who doesn't want that, with you? I hope you're not waiting for the "right time" in his life to arrive when he will suddenly change his mind and realize you're the woman of his dreams. If you were, he'd know it by now, and nothing would stop him from snatching you up and committing to you. IMO you deserve a man who is eager and enthusiastic about getting serious with you; a man who wants the same thing you want, with you. But sadly, you'll never find that so long as you settle for this. Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 4:43pm
You've been seeing this guy for 1 and 1/2 years. You don't need to pussyfoot around (re: Hawaii). Just say you've accepted the no commitment thing (though this does seem to upset you a great deal), but you need to know sooner vs later whether he'll commit to taking you to Hawaii. If he protests, say ou'd love to go but you don't want to put your summer on hold waiting for him to make up his mind. You can accept an answer either way but you want him to decide by (and set a deadline date - i.e. June 15?) In the meantime and more important than Hawaii if this relationship is making you miserable then explore why you're still in and don't let him reel you back in. If you really mean goodbye, he'll really get the message. Good luck. Sherry
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 5:20pm
If this wedding was in Bismark, North Dakota would you be just as excited to attend? Are you willing to contribute to the travel costs of going to Hawaii? You can ask him what his plans are for attending but be careful not to fish too much for a free trip to Hawaii.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 5:42pm
The other women he's dating would no doubt love to go to Hawaii too.