How can I make this better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
How can I make this better?
1
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 4:14pm

Well, my bf and I have been having some problems and we talked late Friday night about them, and we have been getting along great in the few days since... really doing well. He invited me to his place for the weekend and I got there Saturday afternoon... Saturday and all day Sunday it was party central, we didnt have a moment alone together, then Monday we ran errands...finally by last night I was pretty crabby.

Anyway, I guess I took it out on him...I said ya know we had that talk the other night and it needs to be addressed...we both agreed it would be best if we talked face to face. Not a good idea apparently, as we had just laid down to go to sleep. He started drifting off and I got mad and went into the other room. Which, bless his heart he came in and I just got mad and said Im trying to talk and this is the only time I can get you alone... He proceeds to tell me that "obviously I want somethin' he cant give me, and to move on with someone else" I was floored, but in anger I said "Fine" and went out on the patio...he followed again, and said just come back to bed, and I said why would I do that now....and he got really pissed, started yelling and said "he cant read my mind and I dont have to pick fights to talk etc" and pretty much told me to go to hell...he went into the living room and fell asleep on the couch.

After thinking about it I realized I was behaving immaturely and I went back in the house to bed...about an hour later he climbed into bed, and made sure our feet touched, which is something we always do and we both fell asleep. Anywho, I had to be up early for work so I got up and got ready while he was sleepin...went and told him I was leaving and he walked me to the door...I wasnt sure what to do or say so I said bye, and he stopped me and said "what no kiss" to which I promptly turned around and kissed him, and headed to work.

I feel pretty bad, especially since we talked about some of out problems just days before and having had spent a nice weekend together. I know we havent broken up or anything, but what can I do to make it better with him now? I have called and left him a voice mail telling him I was sorry for the way I brought it up and how I acted, and said but its important to me that we work through it if we can, and that i dont want to lose him", and then asked if we could get together at the end of the week. Any ideas or thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 5:35pm

You did the right thing. You let him know just the things he would have wanted to know. He seems like a caring boyfriend. I understand how moods can make things bad. Guys can feel pretty threatened and confused with a girls' emotions. And so many times, when we get carried away, it just comes out the wrong way, even when we did not intend it. And then we expect the guys to come hug us, and make us feel better, and be really communicative and gentle, but it has the opposite effect.

Do make sure he is someone you can always express your deepest concerns with, without him going ballistic. That is not healthy because then, you'd always be walking on eggshells around him. And for your part, try to keep your voice low (I am saying this because I have found that raising my voice makes things worse. My message would get lost.) and explain how you feel, without pointing fingers and putting him on the defensive. A couple ought to be able to discuss matters openly without a fight ensuing. Also, if you both could set up a time (IF you can help it) to discuss any particular issues...it really helps. Then, both are prepared and it doesn't spring as a surprise at the wrong moments when either is very hungry, or sleepy or already anxious about something else etc.

Does he live close to you? You could pay him a lil visit, give him a loving hug and a kiss, and be on your way. The little things count so much.