How can I trust him?
Find a Conversation
How can I trust him?
| Wed, 02-04-2004 - 11:23am |
I really need some good advice. I met a great guy back in October on a work trip. We really hit it off and had a great time together even if it was for just a short amount of time. In my opinion, we had a great connection, both emotionally and physically. I never expected to hear from him again, assuming he was a typical 25 year old, but we have kept in touch for the past three months. We email very frequently and he calls about once a week, sometimes a little less. This past weekend, he had a work trip that was very close to where a live. We got together and went out on what I would call a "real date". Just coming out of a long-term, very bad relatinship, he was a nice change. He was so complimentary and acted like a gentleman - many compliments, very polite. I was so nervous, but it ended up being one of the most comfortable dates I had been on. We had a nice dinner, watched the Super Bowl a little, and went back to the hotel. Everything felt so right, and I did have sex with him. Just a little bit afterwards, as we were laying in bed, he asked me if I had a boyfriend, with which I honestly responded no. I asked him the same question, and he, too, said no. But I don't believe him!!! I still worry that maybe I was just a challenge to him - since I wouldn't do much with him in October, it was a personal challenge to get me this time. The phone rang a couple of times while we were hooking up, and my paranoid mind assumes this was his girlfriend wondering why he didn't answer the phone. I am so confused right now - how can I read his signals and tell what he really thinks? I really do like him. Help!!

Pages
Consider this for a minute. What would he have to do to prove that he does not have another relationship? Is this a reasonable request for you to make and something that you would also do to prove to him that you do not have another relationship?
You are accountable for the situations you create so you must also be accountable for offering and receiving the level of trust you need.
If you feel cheap and dirty that is your issue - you seem to have a trouble owning your choices - I think casual sex between two consenting adults is fine and that the adults need to be honest with themselves about expectations - you were not and so you're feeling vulnerable now.
The point that everyone is trying to tell you, is that you should have KNOWN whether or not he had a serious relationship going on, besides for you, BEFORE you slept with him. That's all. How well can you know a guy if you don't even know IF he is in another relationship? Be honest with yourself.
Next time, just take things slower (especially sexually) so that you don't get hurt or stuck wondering again. You do not seem like you want a casual sex setting, make precautions to ensure that such a setting doesn't happen from the get go! Live and learn, that's all you an do..............
Pages