How come I can't get over him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
How come I can't get over him?
1
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 9:47am
Okay, I had the worst breakup ever about 7 months ago. I was pregnant by my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and when I told him he disappeared for 3 weeks. He wouldn't take anyone's phone calls not even his mother's. I was completely depressed. When he reappeared he decided that he wasn't ready to be a father. I'm a 22 college senior, an honor student, with a job, and an internship. The last thing I needed was to raise a baby on my own so I reluctantly agreed to have an abortion. After I had the abortion we continued with our relationship but about a week later, I found out about a girl he might have been messing with. Long story short, he'd been cheating on me with her (she knew about me) and countless other women. From my estimation anywhere from 5-15 girls. So of course I'm completely, devastated. I just knew I was going to die but I didn't. I pulled myself together. I stopped calling him and completely cut him off. If he called, I wouldn't answer. I thought I was strong. He called once after a couple of months and apologized and said that I didn't deserve the way he treated me (I was a REALLY great girlfriend, even from his account). That completely softened me up. I still didn't call him but I'd accept his calls. In December, he moved to a town 3 hours away. I was going there for a friend's graduation so I asked could I stay with him, but he sounded weary, so I opted to stay with a friend. The next day but utter chance we ended up sitting next to each other at the graduation. We talked but things were a bit weird. After that, I completely cut him off; no phone calls, no nothing. But he continued to send me messages. Although he doesn't know it, I'm completely obsessed with him. I check his e-mail and his myspace accounts (his passwords are my name). I attempt to sabotage his new relationships (he's cheating on them anyway). It's gotten to the point where I can't help myself. But he's always be my one and only; my one and only love, my first sexually, my one and only adult relationship. I really don't want him back. He's a royal loser. So, how come I can't get over him!?!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 11:20am

You're not going to really be able to even start the recovery process in earnest until you disengage completely from his life. So the first step towards getting over him is to STOP with all the cyber stalking. If you can't do it on your own, then you'll need to email him to change his passwords so you can't look at his email, etc anymore (and then immediately block him from emaling you).

And you need to take whatever steps are necessary to stop him sending you messages. Change your phone number, block him--whatever it takes. I know you're not responding or initiating contact, but every time he sends you a message, it's a reminder of him and that sets you back.

Once you've stopped all contact, direct or indirect, THEN you can really start the healing process. But it's going to take a while, because you were together for a relatively long time.

Sheri