how could he do this

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
how could he do this
3
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 4:29pm
After three years together my boyfriend, John(or now ex) proposed to me. Shorty after we moved to florida from new york. Only about four months after we moved my mom had a stroke and also was diagnosed with cancer. So we came back to new york together. John had went back to florida a few times in between b/c he wasnt sure what to do. Finally he decided he was going to go to school in florida for firefighting. I could not go back with him because things were not to good with my mom. His school was going to be 6 months long and we said we would stay together and after he was done I would move down there. About two months into it I got plane tickets to go and visit him like he asked me to. then two weeks before i was suppose to go he tells me he can't do this kind of relationship anymore. So we broke up. recently I found out that he started dating someone 4 days after I brought my plane tickets, and are still together now. I was suppose to be there last week. I don't know how you can do that to someone. I wasted my money and time. I could have went out with other guys if I wanted to but I told myself if i'm going to do this i'm going to do it right. I jst don't understand how I can be replaced so quickly. He already hangs out with her family and she thinks they are in love. I'm trying not to think about it but its not working to well. I get sick to my stomach about it. Why is it that the person who hurt someone and lied to someone gets to be happy and the one who was hurt doesnt. It seems so unfair. I'd love any advice on how to get thru this. Or anything someone has to say. How do u think you want to marry someone and the first girl that gives you interest you go for?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 4:39pm

rajeenah...

First...Pianoguy is VERY SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR MOM! Cancer is scary and unpredictable. So PG hopes your Mother is getting the necessary treatment that she needs?

ALL of us at ivillage know that she has a VERY SUPPORTIVE DAUGHTER.

And the fact that you have to "support your Mom" MIGHT be the reason that your now EX-FIANCEE couldn't support you?

There are some men who can be sympathetic in a family crisis---and others who don't want to get involved at all! I'm guessing that John realized that he'd be going into a marriage that would only exist part-time? Simply because there would always be concern about your Mom's cancer and her overall health?

And this is the reason why HE BAILED!

Please give your Mom a hug and a kiss for me. And cherish every single day that she's around to say: "I LOVE YOU, RAJEENAH!"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 7:40pm

rajeenah,

So sorry to hear about your mom, and the icky nasty ex who is the cause of your stress and heartache. Who knows exactly why people do these kinds of things, perhaps he did bail because of your mother's illness, or maybe he is not ready for a serious relationship, got cold feet and moved on to another girl because he enjoys the beginning rush of a new relationship. There could be a million reasons, and you may never know the real story. All that is going to help you right now is time passing, it is going to be very difficult especially since you invested so much of yourself into this man who was immature and is a coward for not talking to you about this before you made so many life changes for him.

When these things happen, the most important thing is taking care of yourself, find activities to occupy your time, and surround yourself with people you can talk to about your pain. Three years is a long time so do not get frustrated when it seems to be forever and you are still thinking about him and what he did, but the sooner you can move on and feel like yourself again the better. This might sound cliche, but it just may be the best thing that ever happened to you, and the next guy you meet might make you look back on this loser and think, "well thank goodness THAT never worked out!" It has happened to me, so I know it is possible!!

Keep smiling and you will be okay :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 9:31pm

I feel for you. Strange things happen with moves. I got divorced shortly after my first husband and I moved down to Florida. Stay in NY and don't come back here - it is the pits here. I am sorry that you have to go through this anguish with your mom alone. It is tough enough without support for you as well.

I don't know why people are callous and insensitive. I don't know why people can look you in the face knowing they are about to hurt you and they don't feel a thing.

To ask you to marry him and suddenly change his mind like that is immature, selfish, schizophrenic-like, and insensitive. Obviously you didn't know him as well as you thought you did. Men don't realize this, but when we hand over our hearts to them, it is like handing over a baby bird....handle with care. They could give a rat's ass about that - to them "all's fair in love and war". To them you may have just handed over a live grenade instead of a baby bird.

Hopefully she gives back to him what he gave to you.