How did I misread the signals?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2013
How did I misread the signals?
4
Fri, 05-24-2013 - 9:00pm

Any advice would be so much apprecitated.  It has been a long time since my last date.  Has it just been a long time since my last date I feel like I read this guy all wrong?  Did he even like me?  I feel so unattractive right now.

I met this guy at a business meeting. I thought he was cute. We talked during the break. He invites me back to his office.  He introduces me to his staff. He asked me for my number. I gave it to him. I won't lie I was really flattered. Half hour later he text me back saying that he enjoyed meeting me. The next day he calls and we talk for like 4 hours. He asked things like my favorite shows, foods, and games. All these things we have in common. It almost seemed like he didn't want to get off the phone. There was a movie coming out that we both wanted to see. I asked him if he wanted to see it. He said yes and he could wait. We planned on a time.

I invited him to show about an 1hr earlier so we could talk. He walks into my house.  He said you have a really nice house.  Thank You I said.  Do you own?  No, he said, he rents.  He got kinda quiet.  We talked so more. He asked about dinner places and I told him (We live in different towns). He drove to the theater. We talked this time when we talked he seems distracted and he seems nervous.  What really didn't help things was my brother kept calling and I finally picked up and told him I couldnt talk.  We went to see the movie and he seems even more nervous like he didn't know how to act. It was bizarre. During the movie and while we talked I wasn't sure if it was two friends hanging out or a date. So I acted like two friends hanging out. What was even more bizarre is how how he ran out of the theatre after it was over.  I had to run to catch up with him.  He looks at me and goes there you are.  We walk to his car.  I was so stunned I didn't know what to say.  He walked my half way to to door said Well goodnight.  I didn't even think to ask him if he wanted to stick around I was so stunned.

He texted saying that he had a good time and liked the movie. About 6 hours later I get a text "Did I do okay? Was I awkard?".  I tell him that he was fine and was sorry I made feel like he had to run off like that.  He blamed my brother saying he thought I had to go somewhere.  I told him no I didn't have anywhere to go. 

I still hear from him about once a week, the same day and time every week.  We used to a little bit longer but they have gotten even shorter since he found out that I don't drink.  Now the conversations are short and to the point. Mostly hi how are you? I am fine. That is good. Talk to you later. 
His company works with mine.  So there is a slim chance we will have to work together in the future.  However, the probability of me seeing him again is not very high. So why keep texting?
How did I misread the signals? I would be fine with him stopping it all together. I basically wrote him off. I just can't get over the fact that I misread the signal.  Where did the date go wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 05-24-2013 - 11:57pm

I'm confused myself.  What signals did you misread?  You met, you talked, he took you to his office,  but when it came to the actual date, he was uncomfortable and awkward.  After the movie, he ran off.  Now he calls you once a week, and you say a few words.  I would question why he still calls, and I would stop answering his calls.  There are many possibilities here......once he met you outside the work environment, he wasn't so interested.  Maybe when your brother kept calling and you didn't answer, he thought maybe you had a boyfriend.  (There weren't cell phones when I was dating, but if there had been, I'd certainly have turned it off on a date!  You can live without it for a few hours!)  Since you invited him into your home, maybe he thought you expected him to come in and stay, and he wasn't interested in that.  Maybe he doesn't like the idea that you don't drink.  Bottom line is why do you care?  This is common when meeting new people, male OR female.  You like each other initially, but then the interest fades.  He's lost what interest he had, and it's time to stop worrying about it.  You need to work on your self esteem and self confidence.......what has a guy losing interest got to do with how attractive you are?  One has nothing to do with the other!  Sometimes the most beautiful women in the world can't find a decent relationship.  He's not interested......so what?  Maybe the next one will be, or the one after that.  Eventually, someone will be interested......

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Sat, 05-25-2013 - 9:40am

Some men are really strange. Sounds like you took the lead in going to a movie on a first date. There are some men who see an interesting woman and ask for their number, and then engage in flirtatiious conversations and texts and sometimes never get around to dating because either they are already in a relationship, or just like engaging with women as never ending penpals and for whatever strange reason, they don't want a real relationship.

You'll probably never know. What would I do in the future? If a man asks for your number and shows lots of interest, also let him ask you on a date. That way you can see if he's serious about wanting to date. Think of it as seeing how much effort a guy is willing to make to get to know you. Also, never let a guy you just met, know your address. Even if you get a good gut feeling about him, he could be mentally unbalanced. I once when on a first date with someone who I was very attracted to. He had a good job and we had a normal conversation. On our second date, his craziness started to show. I'm glad we met in public and he never knew my address. Always think about safety. You took a chance with this guy and you see he's a flake. It takes a lot of sifting through sand to find the treasure these days. Cut the losers loose and keep on truckin'. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 05-25-2013 - 8:54pm

I agree that you didn't misread anything--if you look at things objectively--he asked for your number, he called you & asked a lot about you.  I don't think it was terrible that you suggested going to the movie since he did accept--up to that point, he seemed interested.  Then for whatever reason, he started acting distant.  I do think it was odd that you said that your brother kept calling and finally you picked up the phone--I would only keep my phone on on a date if I thought my kids might call (when they were younger)--otherwise I'd at least put it on silent.  And if your phone wasn't on silent, then why didn't you answer it the 1st time your brother called and tell him you were busy, or then say "Oh I'm sorry--I didn't realize my phone was still on" and shut it off--he could very well have thought it was not your brother but another guy you were dating.

But seriously--you can't jump from one bad date to feeling unattractive--what does that have to do with it--obviously he must have thought you were attractive enough to go to the movies with you--it's not like online where you don't really know what the person looks like, so if you have already met someone in person, it can't possibly be your looks--there can be many other reasons why things don't work out.  And who knows why?  I recently had 2 dates with a guy--the first one initiated by him, where I thought things went great, we talked easily for hours, had a great time, had a lot in common, etc.--and now he seems to have dropped off the face of the earth.  I have no idea why--maybe he just met someone else.  I can't spend too much time worrying about it, even though it's disappointing.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sun, 05-26-2013 - 8:02am

1creativemouse wrote:
<p>Any advice would be so much apprecitated.  It has been a long time since my last date.  Has it just been a long time since my last date I feel like I read this guy all wrong?  Did he even like me?  I feel so unattractive right now.</p><p>I met this guy at a business meeting. I thought he was cute. We talked during the break. He invites me back to his office.  He introduces me to his staff. He asked me for my number. I gave it to him. I won't lie I was really flattered. Half hour later he text me back saying that he enjoyed meeting me. The next day he calls and we talk for like 4 hours. He asked things like my favorite shows, foods, and games. All these things we have in common. It almost seemed like he didn't want to get off the phone. There was a movie coming out that we both wanted to see. I asked him if he wanted to see it. He said yes and he could wait. We planned on a time.</p><p>I invited him to show about an 1hr earlier so we could talk. He walks into my house.  He said you have a really nice house.  Thank You I said.  Do you own?  No, he said, he rents.  He got kinda quiet.  We talked so more. He asked about dinner places and I told him (We live in different towns). He drove to the theater. We talked this time when we talked he seems distracted and he seems nervous.  What really didn't help things was my brother kept calling and I finally picked up and told him I couldnt talk.  We went to see the movie and he seems even more nervous like he didn't know how to act. It was bizarre. During the movie and while we talked I wasn't sure if it was two friends hanging out or a date. So I acted like two friends hanging out. What was even more bizarre is how how he ran out of the theatre after it was over.  I had to run to catch up with him.  He looks at me and goes there you are.  We walk to his car.  I was so stunned I didn't know what to say.  He walked my half way to to door said Well goodnight.  I didn't even think to ask him if he wanted to stick around I was so stunned.</p><p><span>He texted saying that he had a good time and liked the movie. About 6 hours later I get a text "Did I do okay? Was I awkard?".  I tell him that he was fine and was sorry I made feel like he had to run off like that.  He blamed my brother saying he thought I had to go somewhere.  I told him no I didn't have anywhere to go. </span></p><p><span>I still hear from him about once a week, the same day and time every week.  We used to a little bit longer but they have gotten even shorter since he found out that I don't drink.  Now the conversations are short and to the point. Mostly hi how are you? I am fine. That is good. Talk to you later. </span><br />His company works with mine.  So there is a slim chance we will have to work together in the future.  However, the probability of me seeing him again is not very high. So why keep texting? <br />How did I misread the signals? I would be fine with him stopping it all together. I basically wrote him off. I just can't get over the fact that I misread the signal.  Where did the date go wrong?</p>

I think that you needed to say the truth to him when he asked if he did ok or was awkward--he WAS awkward and acting weird and the fact that he attempted to leave you behind in the movie theatre needed explaining by him.

I also think it's weird that your brother is blowing up your cell phone--unless one of your parents or siblings was seriously ill/injured, Doesn't seem to be the case here, so I agree with the others that the cell phone should have been off.  It does look like something an boyfriend or ex would do, not a siblng.

Other than that, find your voice and tell him you're no longer interested and to stop calling you.