How do I do it ? about flirting....
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| Sat, 03-24-2007 - 12:16am |
Hi there,
I recently finished a 4.5 year on and off long-distance relationship. I don't think I'm ready for something serious yet, but I miss companionship and well, some intimacy, since I only saw my ex for 2 weeks in the past 9 months.
I tried an online dating service and met with a few guys, but being kind of a serious person, we seem to end up talking about serious things and it would be nice if I was looking for friends, but I want flirting and romance, something that I didn't have for so long. But from the other side, I'm a bit afraid to look like someone "easy". I don't really have problems with sexuality or anything like that, I just want to have nice times but with someone who respects me and doesn't see me just as a sexual object...
I don't know may be because I've been in a relationship for so long and actually I've never had to date, because my exes always initiated contact, I'm not sure how to behave.
What should I talk about? We seem to always end up talking about relationships, politics, I don't know what else....Maybe I'm just meeting serious men ? But they seem flirtacious online...Or it's something in my attitude ?
And I am pretty good-looking and consider myself pretty sexy, so it's not that they have reasons to be like that with me....
Thanks for any insight

I don't see the problem... you're speaking to men about things other than sex so I guess I'm confused as to what the issue is. If you're looking for flirts, then you have to be one as well. But I'll warn you now that the world of online dating is a bit different in some ways than dating without it.
Is the real issue that you're not meeting guys that want to take you out?
Hi,
yes I want them to take me out, but not like serious dating where you do activities, get to know each other and then maybe become exclusive, etc. But when we talk about politics and immigration it doesn`t really put me in a flirting mood and I don`t know how to change the way our conversations go...
I really just want to have fun, so I don`t feel like getting to know them too personnally and I don`t want them to do that either, because I`m still hurt from my previous relationship and I don`t want anyone to get expectations and get dissapointed.
I should probably just avoid this kind of topics, and talk about light things or maybe the guys are just reserved....
What do you mean that the world of online dating is different ? Any advice about that ? :)
There's a ton of advice to be found on the online dating board. You can get there by clicking on the link in my signature.
Hey cutiepy82, don't feel so glum. It's yours for the picking, if you want it. If you like discussing politics and the other person also likes it or has some kind of interest in it, then you can use that conversation to start feeling comfortable with the person. From my past experiences it is all about feeling comfortable with yourself first, before you can ease into flirting or demonstrating with non verbal communication that you are interested in the person.
As far as practicing on others I wouldn't do that unless you have an interest in the person, because you would not be branded a slut, more like a tease or a head game person. I knew a man who did this all the time (flirting with women with whom he wasn't genuinely interested in) and eventually he became "bad news" to women because he sparked emotions in alot of women who were confused and disappointed later when he said, "I don't know what you are talking about, I like you as a friend, but that's it".
Thanks,
that`s the advice I was looking for. :) I tend to let the other person lead the conversation and I wasn`t sure if switching from serious to light subjects will make them lose interest or what.
Actually the guy who talked to me about politics seems to want to get physical, but he only communicated that through msn messanger !
Talk to them like you would to anyone you're chatting with - don't think of it as a"date" but as a conversation you're having- day's events, something funny that struck you, a commonality you both have, etc
In otherwords, try to take the pressure off. It's not like you want a relationship anyway, you're flexing your social skills muscles