how do I end it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
how do I end it?
11
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 2:50pm
I was in a relationship with a man for 18 months. As a couple we got along fine, but when it came to sharing personal space, he didn't like to. I am divorced with 3 children, he is divorced with one child. We met online and we first started talking and dating everything seemed wonderful. We were going to take the kids camping, hiking, to amusement parks.... the traditional family things. Well, for one reason or another, everytime I tried to arrange an outing he was too busy. We continued to see each other, but it was mostly when the children were not around. This began to bother me and I started bringing it up in conversations. He took this as becoming pushy and started backing off. He backed off to the point of not wanting to see me anymore. He needed his space. I was devastated at first, even begged him to take me back and that I would change and not push so much. For a couple of months after the break up, we saw each other occasionally, mostly for sex. I finally put an end to it, and told him that I couldn't do it anymore. I thought it might bring us back together. Of course it didn't.........why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. After that we would still email occasionally. I started to look into dating again. I put an ad up on a personal site, the same one we met on. Well, he saw my ad and decided that he wanted me back again. I took my ad off at his suggestion and we have seen each other occasionally (not sexually). He now wants everything that we wanted in the beginning, he misses me and the kids and wants to settle down. In seeing him again, I don't think I want a relationship with him any longer. I don't know how to end it. He will stop at my house while I'm not there and leave roses for me, he will send romantic and sappy emails..........things he never did when we were together. Everytime I try to let him know that I am no longer interested, he starts crying and apologizing and saying he doesn't want to live without me. This is putting tremendous pressure on me and I want to end it, but don't have the heart to hurt him. I would love to move on with my life but I can't seem to end this part of it.

What do I do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 2:43am
Similar experience. Only mine ended in a restraining order. When I tried to break up with a boyfriend.......first he would wait outside my college classes so that he could talk to me (this wasat least 8 years ago), then it moved to him driving by my apartment at night to see if there were any strange vehicles parked outside(as if I was the only person living there), then he'd call my sister to get messages to me, sit outside my apartment door listening in to see if I was on the phone, then it finally got to the point that he came after me at a bar because he didn't like the way I said "hi" to him. Restraining order time. After all was said and done and many months passed (I'd moved to California to start teaching), he'd call and ask me questions about things that I'd only told friends through email. It took a few days to realize it, but he had gotten into my personal email and started reading them. I can't forget to mention the flowers and tears too.

Tell the guy it's over and mean it. Don't accept his calls and don't even bring the flowers inside. If he leaves flowers at your door, leave them there. If he drives by he'll see that they are still there and that you didn't accept them.

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