How do I find out what I'm doing wrong?
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How do I find out what I'm doing wrong?
| Sun, 02-19-2006 - 11:51pm |
every guy I date breaks up with me within a couple months if not a couple dates. Then they usually go on to find a girlfriend within just a couple months, even though their excuse is usually that they don't want a relationship (which I think is a weird excuse to give me, since I never indicate that I want one, even when I do). I just found out that the last guy I dated, who I liked and who used the excuse that he wanted to have lots of sex with lots of different women, is in a serious relationship, just five months later. I have come to the conclusion that I must be doing something very, very wrong that these girls are doing right. But how do I find out? I can't identify what I am doing wrong, and I can't like bring along someone to critique me on a date or while I'm with the person I'm seeing. I think I am a fun person to date. I never take things seriously, even if I feel I would want to, I'm pretty fun in bed, I'm a very independent person and I always let the guys call the shots so I'm not coming off as needy...I don't get it, why am I driving them away and what are these other girls doing to get them??? How do I find out what I am doing wrong, because if I don't I'll never be able to correct it!!!

I doubt it. It could be the kind of guy you attract or are attracted to. I have a friend that is 29 and has never been married. She's very attrative. She attracts the worst guys. She's had the opportunity to date a really nice guy, but she passed because he wasn't attractive to her. He would have treated her like a queen.
Have you looked at any of the dating resources on this website? I saw one here called "Men Confess the 10 Annoying Things Women Do." Maybe that would help.
There is a balance between the extremes of needy and very independent. Most guys want to feel needed by a woman. If you come off as too independent and too casual with a 'take it or leave it' attitude, guys will look elsewhere for a woman who they think values them more.
I know it's not that you don't value the guys, and I know that you don't want to fake anything, or not be who you are. I know this because I am the independent type too. But you may be coming off as fiercely independent and that's not what guys want. Guys want to feel missed, needed, and wanted. There is a difference between being smothered by a needy, clingy person, and feeling needed by a person who has it together but makes you feel special and important in their life.
Guys want to know that you think of them when you're apart, and that your life is better with them in it than before you met. You have to show this to the guy through words and actions. They know you can provide for yourself financially, and if you appear happy they know you are emotionally self-suffcient as well. So you have to tell them how happy you are with them, that you really enjoy being with them, that you miss them when they're not there. You should tell them what it is about them you admire. You should ask them for support and help when you need it, and we all do some of the time. You don't have to go overboard with fake flattery and flirtation, but you don't have to keep a tight lid on every soft emotion you feel either. Don't hide your true feelings for them out of fear that you'll open up yourself for rejection, or that they'll think you're too needy. They won't think you're too needy when they feel needed, admired, and wanted.
buggie10...
You could be "an extremely fun person to date" or hang out with, but PG wonders if ALL your dates end with SEX, followed by the classic male remark: "I'll call you!"
If this is happening a lot with you....why not "change the rules" and be a little less receptive when it comes to HAVING S-E-X?
After a while, you'll find that it's pretty easy to separate the 'sincere guys who are interested in a relationship' compared to the ones who are just interested in....err...."getting down and dirty with you?"
Pianoguy
Please take another hard look at what charite_99 has said, your situation sounds a LOT like the dating rut I was in and she could have been writing about me personally in her reply!!!!
I dated several guys, and none of them lasted more than just a few months, they'd say something similar, not ready for relationship, yadda yadda, only to move onto serious relationships with the next gal!