How do I fix this problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
How do I fix this problem?
5
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 9:27am

I have been reading "buggi10" discussion and that is exactly, I am going through. In my situation most of them were long realtionships. Some time you get fade up. Keep trying and trying to find a perfect realationship and something comes up and suddenly you are alone. Honestly I am tired and I get very emotional at this point.

I have been dating a really good guy for almost 6months. We have everything in common even he said sometimes it is scary because it is too perfect. He have two grown up daughters and I have young boy we are different nationality and colour skin. About two monthes after we start dating I met his family his mother didn't like culture differences we talked about it and he promissed me he doesn't care about cultural differences. We have ups and downs sometimes, the reasone for that is he is going through divorce and I am changing my career, I don't have a job at this time and I am looking really badly. Most of the time he spend his time in his parent home about 2hrs away from where I live or where he works. He comes once a week or he stays for a week here and goes visit his children. Since then he's little changing and I coudn't figured out what is going on. I complitely trust and adore him. I had felt something is up I went to the web-site where we met I found a profile that fits. I told him about it and he adimits was his. I asked him why? his answer was I don't know where I am heading with work and I don't talk about it.
I took it so hard it make me sick. His mother told him I am not good for him. I assured him I am looking really hard for a job but I am getting something it is not what I want.
Now that I got hope and I am telling him every single day what I do If i have interviews and I ask him for advices.

I am very honest with him but I didn't talk to him very much about what I am doing everyday because he have enough problems on himself and I explained why I didn't talk very much before he doesn't seem he is understanding me. He seems distant, is not interested, I had a talk last week he told me he have feeling for me but he is not going to delete the profile at this point. I am sure he is not dating right now but he is chatting. And I feel I invested my time and emotions to this realtionship and I love him, I can't lose him. How do I talk to him what is going on with him toward this realationship? Is it a good thing to talk about it and clear everything at this point? I have few letters I wrote when he wasn't here that I missed him how much he is means to me is it ok to give to him?
Or do I have to be patient and wait? What can I do different to let him know I am good person not lazy, it is not what they are brain washing him by his mother.

Any advice female or male will be great.
Thanks.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:10pm

Fix it by dumping him!

He's not right for you if he's browsing online after 6 months. No guy who really cared about you and thought you were right for him would do that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 2:39pm

Thank you for your reply Sheri. What happened is my son once told him (8yrs old) that mommy have two boyfriend but she likes you more. He was talking about my good friend I haven't seeing him even for over 2yrs. He said he did asked me that, what is this all about which I don't remember he said I did answer him "What can I said". Honestly, I don't recall it I thought we trusted eachother, and I didn't care about it really. He was cold and distant I did ask what is he cold like that he told me about it I explain to him everything I promised to him I am not cheating and he always knows what I do when I am not with him.
He said he will never forget about what happened. He is hurt privious relationship so do I, I learn to trust him and understand him too. I don't know if he understanding me though.

Sheri I don't know breaking up is a good idea because he is not dating I am sure about that because we are talking everyday. Isn't it good to talk about it and see what he thinks finding out wheather he is going to delated or no. And decide what is next. What do you think?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 2:45pm

An emotionally mature man who really cared about you would resolve the issue by talking through it NOT by secretly putting up a *dating profile*!!!!

I don't think waiting is going to change anything, sorry.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 2:46pm
His failure to take down his ad speaks volumes. His "being hurt" about your eight year old mixing up the concept of "friend" and "boyfriend" is just a lame excuse. His saying that he doesn't know where things are going because your career is on hold is another lame excuse. This chump wants to break things off without a confrontation or tears and he also wants YOU to take the blame for the failed relationship. Why do guys who want to break up, still want to smell like a rose?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 3:07pm

It is a heartbreaking but how do I break up then? I am very emotional person I don't want cry in front of him that he is going to think I am not strong person or disturbed. And at the same time I want to tell him he hurted me and asking why? I need help here, what is the best way to do this?