How do I get him?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
How do I get him?!
4
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 7:01am

I have met this guy, Marc, who works at my gym. I have fancied him for about 18months now, but have never been in a position to do anything about it. I am totally totally infatuated with him as I always am with new guys, can't think of anything else. Anyway, it's going pretty well, he has come up to talk to me a few days ago, we had a chat etc, he was really nice, and we have exchanged in some way every day since. Is this a good sign?

I don't know if this guy is even single. I don't know anyone else at the gym to get them to ask him, and I'm paranoid I might have got this totally wrong... at the end of the day he could just be being nice!

I have just split up with my boyfriend of 2 years, but really it's been pretty much over for a long time, which is probably why I noticed him so long ago. However it is still the first time I have really been on my own in since I was 16, (I'mm 22 now) and it's ok because I have this guy as a good distraction, I realised some of the reason I ask is that if I am reading it all wrong, I have to rule him out as an option and then I am most definitely on my own with no possibilities...

I am also petrfied of starting a new relationship. I have never done well on the dating scene, I don't really enjoy it. I am much happier in a comfortable long term relationship where I can be myself and not have to impress. As far as I'm concerned a guy wanting to go out with you isn't the end to risk of rejection, there's still alsorts that can go wrong! I know this is a pretty poor attitude, but I can't help it.

Has anyone got any good advice for me!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 8:14am
Why don't you just ask the guy if he's single? That's the only way you're going to find out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 11:21am

What is the worst that could happen?
1) He is in a relationship. At least he knows you have an interest in him and should that relationship end, he already knows you like him.
2)He doesn't return the sentiment. That's rough, but you'll live and eventually like someone else one day soon. It is better that he is not aquainted with anyone you know so that if it doesn't work, it is easier to move on.

It is a great sign that he initiated conversation with you. Since you are chatting a little each day, you can casually bring up a "girlfriend" into the conversation to feel out if one exists in his life. Like, "I was wondering; have you and your girlfriend ever gone to "x" restaurant?" I've been wanting to try it out." I know this question may sound lame, but this type of question addresses 2 issues: finding out about girlfriend and letting him know you'd like to go to a particular restaurant and setting up your first date.

Enjoy the infatuation, it is a nice feeling having nothing else on your mind except a guy with whom you want to go out. I could think of worse things occupying your mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2007
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 1:33pm

I really feel for you. I went through the same emotions when I broke up with my boyfriend about a year ago. I am very uncomfortable with the dating scene. It took me a long time to get back into the swing of things. Everything seemed very nerve-raking at first. But you get used to it.

But like everyone else said, just ask. Do it casually. He will probably be flattered even if he is seeing someone. And if he is in a relationship or not interested, then it just isn't meant to be. What do you have to lose? If he doesn't want to or can't date you then you can still have a crush on him, like you do now, and still try to be his friend. If he agrees then you've earned yourself a date.

And don't worry about being single for a while if that's what happens. Being single can be different, but just as great as being in a relationship.

x-neko.gif picture by alleycat_lady

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 1:57pm

This is the time to meet a lot of people, make new friends, find new passions and hobbies, stretch your wings, see who you are like as a single person. I know the fear of being alone is making you want to run into a new relationship but the one you really have to develop is the one with yourself.

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