HOW DO I GET HIM BACK, AND SHOULD I TRY

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
HOW DO I GET HIM BACK, AND SHOULD I TRY
5
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 7:06pm
I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A ROUGH DIVORCE AND HAVE 3 SMALL CHILDREN, THE MAN I WAS SEENING HAS AND EX-GIRLFRIEND AND A 6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WITH HER THEY WERE TOGETHER FOR 8 YEAR AND HE HAD NEVER BEEN FAITHFUL TO HER. I HAVE BEEN WITH HIM NOW FOR 9 MONTHS AND WE HAVE HAD SOME PROBLEMS (HE SLEPT WITH HIS X AND KEPT ME HANGING WHILE HE THOUGHT ABOUT HIS DECISION. HE LEFT ME HANGING ONE NIGHT AND WENT ON ANOUTHER DAY WITH SOMEONE HE HAD SLEPT WITH BEFORE BUT DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH HER THAT NIGHT AND THEN LIED ABOUT IT SERVERAL TIMES. BUT FOR THE PAST 5 MONTHS EVERYTHING WAS GOING BETTER THAN I COULD HAD POSSIBLY HOPED UNTIL HIS X GIRLFRIEND STARTED CRYING TO HIM THAT HE WAS SO FAR UP MY(U-NO-WHAT) THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING ELSE AND THAT HE WAS A BAD FATHER AND SHE SAYS THINGS TO HER DAUGHTER THAT ARE NOT APPROPREATE. SHE MADE HIM FEEL GUILTY AND HE TURNED TO DRUGS SO FOR THREE WEEKS I HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS PROBLEM. THINGS WERE BACK TO NORMAL AGAIN AND THEN ONCE AGAIN SHE GAVE HIM A HARD TIME AND TOLD HIM IF HE STAYS WITH ME HE COULDN'T TAKE HIS DAUGHTER ANYMORE. SO NOW HE TELLS ME HE NEEDS TIME TO THINK AND THAT HE LOVES ME WITH ALL OF HIS HEART AND CRIES EVERYTIME HE SEES ME. I TOLD HIM I WOULD GIVE HIM TIME, BUT ALSO TOLD HIM TO COME GET HIS STUFF AND LEAVE HIS KEY. HE CAME TO PICK UP HIS STUFF BUT FORGET A FEW THINGS AND DID NOT LEAVE HIS KEY, AND I AM VERY HURT AND REALLY CONFUSED. HELP.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 7:28pm
Personally I probably am not one to give advice, but I would say make sure he loves you. You say he cheated on you on several occations. Well that shows me he doesn't love you. But yet again you say his X is giving him a hard time. Well maybe she's like this girl I know, She can't get over that she is alone and needs to stay away, or maybe she just doesn't want to take responsability of someone who may look like there daddy. I'm almost as bafold as you. Sounds like the man you love is just going through a little denial right know. My conclution is keep in touch for a while, makeing sure that he loves you and can get past this bumpy road he's on. Then when he's ready and has made up his mind, make your move and stick with it. That is if you two feel the same way. I hope for the best of luck to you and hope you two are happy again.

xxxDragonsbabybluexxx

PS

Keep us posted. K;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 8:56pm
I'm not worried about you or your man-friend. I'm worried about your young children. They recently lost their intact family and now they have to put up with mom bringing a lying, philandering, drug-abusing stud into their home. Why should your little ones have to live through the chaos and drama of all this back-and-forth? What is this doing to their psyches? What is all of this doing to their respect for you?

My advice is to lose him and concentrate on raising your children. Your love-life needs to take a back seat. Its not important right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 10:30am
He has a history of cheating.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 10:41am
Are you into drama? There is a lot of drama and hystrionics around this man. I would examine this need and set about to get myself into a better frame of mind so that I could find a healthier man for me. This situation isn't good for you nor for your children. This man isn't ready to be with you, he has a lot of UNRESOLOVED baggage that you (with your three children) don't have time for. It's not for you to help him or cure him or whatever. This man has a history of infidelity. The only way for him to break his cycle is with a lot of hard work, not just intentions and empty promises.

Besides sex, in what ways is this man honoring you and your children? In what ways is he being your personal cheerleader? I see that HE'S benefiting from being with you, but what are you getting out of this? He's a taker, not a giver. Find someone that is going to put you and your children on a pedestal and treat you like royalty.

But this isn't going to happen until you believe that you are royalty. Why don't you think you deserve better? When you can answer that question, you'll be on your way to a better life and a better relationship with a good man. Dump this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:24am
From reading about your situation, I would move on. You can do better than him. He is not the only single guy out there. Think about your kids, think about yourself. You have to have more self respect for yourself than to let this guy cheat on you, and make you worry about his drug abuse. You have three young kids to worry about. You don't need this. From my point of view he doesn't love you at all. He doesn't even care about you. He wouldn't go to someone else if he did. Sounds like he had huge problems. Your best bet is to let this guy loose. You come first and your kids come first. You deserve so much better than that. You can do so much better than that.